


5 times Pink Lasagna Saved the Day + 1 time He Didn't

by wisepuma23



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: AGGRESSIVE SELF LOVE, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Steven, Blood and Violence, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Poofing, Post-Episode s05e29-32 Change Your Mind, Steven needs a hug, Temporary Character Death, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-10-21 17:35:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 22,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17646911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wisepuma23/pseuds/wisepuma23
Summary: Steven gasped like a strangled cat as he processed the blade through his chest. Stabbed right through the back. Crazily he thought how Bismuth would tsk at the dishonorable move. His thoughts spun too fast, his shield thumping to the ground.No, we're not dying.Steven gets his gem removed not for the first time or the last. This is five times his gem half saves the day and one time he didn't. Exactly what it says on the tin. All the while, he keeps 'forgetting' to tell his family the new discovery in his identity and powers. Until one day it comes out at the worst possible time.





	1. squelch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **warnings:** violence, blood
> 
> Steven visits the Beta Kindergarten to see some old friends and new enemies.

Steven blinked against the glare of the sun in the Beta kindergarten, the orange sediment made the whole ground searing to look at. Not for the first time he wished he brought sunglasses. He ignored the phantom bite of a visor he no longer wore. Sunstone would probably fit right in here with the other gems if he thought about it. Steven stepped out of the way of an uncorrupted Carnelian, the laughter of the quartzes echoed through the canyon.

“Hey, Steven!” Skinny Jasper said, picking him up onto her shoulders with a hup, “Lemme get you out of this unruly crowd, so unrefined, amiright?”

Steven giggled as he clung onto her head, “Oh come on, you love them! And sorry I haven’t answered your calls in a while, gem business and stuff.”

Skinny Jasper threw him up onto a hole a few rows up, one of the few spacier ones here. Her own hole could barely fit herself. Steven scooted over to let Skinny jump up to sit next to him. She landed with a grunt. Skinny ruffled his hair even as Steven batted away her hands giggling. It felt...nice. To be treated like a fellow quartz instead of the weird diamond salutes. Even if he was neither. Normalcy, unfortunately the one luxury item his Dad couldn’t buy.

“So what I’d miss around here?” Steven said, his smile fading as he stared at the bustling kindergarten below, “Any...problems?”

Skinny blew a lock outta her face, “Not much. The usual homeworld versus crystal gems spate ya know? But I think they’re burying the hatchet because they-” Skinny hunched onto herself, “they decided to focus on something else. It’s-It’s nothing.”

Steven raised an eyebrow, “Doesn’t sound like nothing. You know you can tell me something is wrong right?” He placed a hand on her shoulder, “I can tell the Gems and we can figure something out, okay?”

Skinny’s smile pinched at the edges, “Yeah, I know. But I really wished you called me instead of coming to see us. It’s not a good time. Steven you need to-”

Shouts from below interrupted them. They turned their attention downwards, but let out a breath at the rancorous bunch of quartzes clearly excited about Steven’s arrival. Fans, _great_. Steven shrugged at Skinny, news around Earth spread faster than he thought. He thought the declaration of the anti-shattering laws throughout the Empire would come out over the next few days. But he could handle being serious Steven for a few minutes and go back to talking to Skinny.

Steven jumped out from the hole, never noticing Skinny’s hand grabbing the empty air he left behind. He floated down to greet the snickering group below. Steven’s grin rivaled the sun as the quartzes ooh-ed and aah-ed over him. He resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the mile long list of shorty names thrown in with the occasional pun on his name. As the officially shortest gem that only came up to their _knees_ at the most, he expected it.

“Yo! It’s been forever!” another Citrine whined, pulling on her horns for effect, “I’m starting to think you like the other Kindergarten better!”

Steven rubbed his head, “Well, the gem experiments are over there. It’s not like I meant to visit you guys less!”

The chattering slowed to a stop as three gems pushed to the forefront. The itch of danger clawed at the back of his neck. Steven looked up at them. He swallowed back a gulp as he realized they towered over the others. A Pyrope with pink slashes that nicely complemented her scarlet form. Another Jasper with braided hair thrown over her shoulder, and a blue diamond on what remained on her uniform. And finally the Hollyblue Agate, the sore thumb in the warm hues of Beta. Sunlight caught on the horns, fangs, and claws of them all.

Like most of the gems here.

“Uh, nice to meet you?” Steven waved weakly, “So what’s...up?”

_Great diplomatic skills as always, Universe!_

“So you’re Steven?” Pyrope rasped, her pink hair falling over her face as she leaned down to study him, “You’re smaller than I thought.”

Jasper pulled her back, “It’s a good thing you’re here, uh sir, cause we need your help with something.”

“Oh, you don’t really have to call me sir,” Steven said, ignoring how the way the quartzes surrounded him like a wall, “So what’s wrong?”

Holly’s voice cut through the tense silence, “Scram the lot of you! What do you think this is? Free entertainment?! Do you think it’s _polite_ to stare like a bunch of useless clods at our leader?”

“No!”

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean-”

“But we haven’t seen him in-”

Holly slammed her heel down and the quartzes left in a cloud of orange dust. Steven squirmed as sweat gathered on his spine from the heat. He swiped at his brow and grimaced at the clammy sweat that dripped off it. They were alone now. The quartzes took refugee around the bend in the canyon. Steven glanced up, but Skinny was nowhere to be seen.

Bummer, he really would’ve liked to talk to her. It seemed like something was freaking her out. Steven looked again the trio and their rigid poses, maybe they knew something about it? And why they need his help? Steven frowned, then why didn’t Skinny tell him so? His stomach twisted as Jasper stepped forward.

“ _Steven_ ,” Jasper said his name like she was pulling out teeth (oh boy), “I’d like for you to come with us. You have to see it to believe it.”

Pyrope bounced on her feet, “You gotta! You gotta!”

“Uhm,” Steven glanced around, “Maybe I could go get the other gems?”

Holly sniffed, “Oh, this is a matter that doesn’t involve the others. It’s only a few minutes walk from here and I’d rather get it over quickly as possible.”

Steven clutched his shirt over his gem. He took in a few breaths as he considered his options. It’s-it’s not like he’s alone. Not really. Steven clenched his fist, his fingers hard against the cut of his gemstone, reassuring himself. White _promised_ she’d never do it again. But- _but-_ **_but_ **always hung at the back of his mind. Steven hoped his voice didn’t shake when he gathered up his answer.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

The world was quieter...and deader here. Silence painted the warped cliffs, undisturbed in thousands of years. A chill went through Steven despite the sweltering temperatures. Exit holes became more and more sparse the further they walked. The laughter echoing the walls a bit thinner with every twist and turn. Holly led the way with Jasper and Pyrope behind him.

Pyrope couldn’t stop _giggling_ over something. He’s tried to ask for the joke but she played it off with a shrug. Jasper simply shoved her and that was the end of it. Steven tried not to remember how the harsh light of the sun reminded him of the spotlight on him during his trial. Good times, good times.

Holly came to a stop beside a narrow gap in the walls. She gestured him inside, the whole place cast in shadow from the sun. Steven let out a breath, oh cold air, such sweet relief! He walked further inside as heels and boots thumped on the sand behind him.

He kept his eyes open for anything weird or unusual. Like a gem experiment, or a shard. Cold rusty walls taller than any building in Empire City didn’t reveal anything. Nothing at all. Steven froze to a stop as the path in front of him came to a dead end.

Cornered.

Steven turned around, his instincts thrown into high drive, “There’s nothing here!”

He didn’t need to summon his shield yet, not when he could talk first. Talk first, fight later, that was his motto. Well, aside from pork chops and hot dogs. Steven clenched his fists at his side as he glared up at them for answers.

Pyrope had lost her giddy smile, trading it out for a disgusted curdle, “We got a bone to pick with you, pipsqueak.”

Not this again. He wondered if it was ‘ _polite’_ to tune out the usual spiel about Rose Quartz or Pink Diamond. It’s nothing he’s heard before, anyhow. Steven summoned his shield with a flash. Maybe he could float high enough before they could attack?

Steven glanced at their uniforms, former pink and blue soldiers. Likely they had a grudge against Rose? For some reason, some gems didn’t believe the official Diamond information dissemination among the Empire explaining what happened. Pink Diamond shattered by the villainous Rose Quartz worked fine for thousands of years, why stop?

“I’m not Rose Quartz, and-”

“We know,” Holly scoffed, summoning her whip with a crack, “Do you think us idiots?”

Steven sweated as he took a step back, “I’m not Pink Diamond either-”

“You’re the ‘Steven Universe’ that corrupted the diamonds. Our leaders were perfect and beautiful until they met **_you_** ,” Jasper snarled, her helmet flashing into existence, “You’re _lying_ to them and they can’t even see it!!”

Oh.

This was new.

Elation and terror filled him up all at once. Finally, he was recognized as _Steven_. But holy shit, he’s Steven, new enemy to gemkind. Okay, fair enough, he shattered the illusion of the Diamonds being totally flawless beings. But it was the truth! Steven fell into stance as he sized up Jasper and Holly and-

Pyrope, where was-

A sound so familiar he’s heard millions of times cut through the air. His body turning before he could think. The _ching_ of a sword and-

**Squelch.**

He gasped like a strangled cat as he processed the blade through his chest. Stabbed right through the back. Crazily he thought how Bismuth would _tsk_ at the dishonorable move. His thoughts spun too fast, his shield thumping to the ground. Pyrope’s giggles became distant as he struggled to keep standing.

Steven, dead in a canyon alone and betrayed. Who would even find him? More at 11.

_No._

His eyes snapped open at the voice. Holly watched him with narrowed eyes, fingers twisting around her whip.

**_No. We’re not dying._ **

The ground rose up to greet him, his knees finally failing him. Ice settled in his bones and an _emptiness_ screamed in his heart. Ste-

He’s not Steven anymore.

Humanity tasted like sand and dying. He clutched the dirt uselessly as he struggled to turn himself over. The absence of his gem made him want to claw his own eyes out. Name, this broken piece of Steven needed one, a _name_. His thoughts sloshed around. Blood thick on his tongue. 

Dogcopter.

A hybrid, it’s why Steven even liked him in the first place. Two things into one. The whimpering boy clutched on it, he’d take the dog part of dogcopter. Of course, something from Earth. The strength of his new name was enough to turn onto his back to meet the pink eyes of his other half.

His gem self ignored the sword piercing his form. No, no, _no. H _e’s_ gonna poof and I’ll die before he’ll reform. _ This-this couldn’t be happening. Tears leaked out of his eyes as bile threatened to come up. He swallowed it back, Dog didn’t want to see if he was internally bleeding or not. Probably yes.

A few seconds passed. Copter slowly looked down at the sword, his form not poofing at all. _Wh-what?_ Pyrope growled as she drew out her sword, his own blood dripping off it. In a fit of madness, he thought it looked _pretty_ , like her sword had succumbed to the heat and started to melt. Pyrope slashed through Copter again, the whistle of her blade unmistakable.

He flinched as she cut through the head. Instead, his gem stubbornly stayed in place no matter how many times Pyrope attempted to poof it. A cough wrecked out of Dog’s lungs. Oh right, dying with every second. How could he possibly forget?

Holly charged past him with a yell. Right, he’s just a sad sack of meat to ignore now, huh? Dog watched through blurry eyes as electricity lit up the dark walls. Copter didn’t react at all, not even as Holly’s whip tightened around him.

Hope blossomed with a realization.

They...they _can’t_ **_poof_** _._

Copter’s bubble lit up the walls a neon pink, not like Steven’s soft pinkness at all. He slammed it outwards, the force sending all three gems against the cliffs. Jasper’s gem clinked to the ground. His footsteps echoed in the sepulcher caverns, each one shaking the ground. An earthquake, a storm, and a hurricane all in one.

Copter threw a shield too quick for his failing eyes to catch. Dark spots swam at the edges of his vision but he could hear the clink of another gemstone. Every step Copter took, his static _presence_ another inch to his own frail form. Dog wheezed on the canyon floor from the cloud of dust, not even having the strength to cough it out. Pathetic…his eyes drifted shut.

“Please stop!” Pyrope’s voice cut through the cotton in his head, “It-it-it wasn’t my idea! Holly said so, not me!”

Dog opened his eyes, the world spinning in blurry colors of oranges and red. A pink bubble floated above him containing a frantic red blob. He didn’t even need to tilt his head to see Copter, no doubt the one to bubble her. Another scream, high-pitched with fear, as the bubble grew _smaller_. No….no, this wasn’t right at all.

“Don’t…” Dog rasped, “Don’t be cruel.”

Copter’s face filled his vision, pink eyes empty of all emotion, “But she **hurt** us.”

“Poof her quickly then, Copter,” Dog said, “I...I miss you.”

Copter clenched his fist shut and the bubble squeezed down her gem, Pyrope _screamed_ against the strain before it cut off. Her gem floated in its bubble as if nothing had happened at all. Dog blinked back tears. Copter picked him up and Dog sobbed into his cold neck. He thought-

“I thought I was gonna lose you,” Dog said, his voice torn apart by wracking sobs and shakes, “Why did you-”

Copter blinked, his face relaxing into something more natural. The lines between them blurred. Dog stared up into Copter’s face, and the pure _love_ and adoration were just as gut-punching as the first time. Copter leaned down to meet their foreheads together.

“We die **together** ,” Copter said, his voice with that eerie echo, “And we don’t want to leave yet.”

Dog’s ashen face relaxed into a relieved smile. That’s...that’s alright. Laughter bubbled out of him, either out of stress or happiness, it didn’t matter. They were _alive_. And together. Copter’s laughter twined through his, a wonderful harmony. Air whistled past as Copter spun Dog around in his arms, faster and faster and then-

Steven stumbled to his knees. He took in gasping breaths, his whole body shaking like a leaf in the wind. The split memories crashing together into one full memory. Incoherency and explicit detail merged seamlessly. Jasper’s open-mouthed surprise before her shoulder gem fell to the floor, his gem’s perfect memory capturing it all. How he could feel himself _rotting_ like old meat gone bad as his eyes rolled around in his head. Steven whimpered as he slammed the memories away.

A-a close call.

That’s it. Nothing more. He had it handled from the start.

He didn’t even need to tell the gems about this. Steven saw the glint of the jasper in the sand. Before he could think about it, he bubbled both Jasper and Holly too. Well, he could explain _something_ to the others in Beta. Steven carried the three bubbles in his arms as he tried to remember the way back.

 _Oh boy_.

Steven started his long trek back to Beta, already convincing himself he was fine. He’s survived worse (not like there’s much _worse_ ). And he didn’t want to add another worry on his family’s plate. Amethyst wanted to keep an eye on her famethyst in their Kindergarten. Garnet kept logs and did check-ups on every Off-Color transferred to Earth. Pearl, well, weirdly enough wanted to do a project on fraternizing with humans. Particularly women. Aka find a girlfriend. And happiness.

And Steven?

He wanted to dismantle the Empire’s imperialistic and fascist rule on the entire galaxy. No biggie. Not a big deal at all. And totally didn’t come with near-death experiences on the daily.

Right? Right.

Steven rubbed a hand down his chest, feeling for a wound that wasn’t there anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave kudos and comments if you liked it!!!
> 
> I want to see Pink Steven again, but at what cost??? well this fic answers exactly that XD 
> 
> BAMF Pink Steven wrecking shit up okay??? I'm never gonna get over it
> 
> and Steven is totally fine and NOT TRAUMATIZED at all!! Riiiiighhtt. And is anyone else sad that the Crystal Gems don't even remember what happened while they were mind controlled? Steven probably kept quiet about what happened because he thinks their peace treaty would probably go up in flames if he did. RIP


	2. clink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amethyst tries to talk to Steven about his feelings. Didn't go as planned. Later, Steven accepts an invitation to a cosmic jubilee and it's all fun and games until it's not. Until it's _really_ not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warnings:** strong violence, language, some existential horror
> 
>  **Notes:** how the FRICK did this chapter get so long??? I thought it was gonna be 5k but instead its 10k full of pain, sadness, and a bucketload of angst. Try to explain a moral code to a nuclear reactor. SO enjoy your meal, you heathens!!! :P

Amethyst ate another slice of pizza, slurping up the dripping cheese off it. She glanced over at Steven but he hardly picked up his own slice across from her. He kicked his feet as he picked at it, too lost in space to notice anything else. Amethyst sucked on her fingers with smacks loud enough to make Kiki and Jenny wince at the edge of her vision. Wow, didn’t even notice. Steven yelped from the torrent of grease and spit covered flicks at his face.

“Yo, Earth to Steven!” Amethyst cackled, “Pizza ain’t getting any hotter, you know?”

“Sorry, Amethyst,” Steven rubbed off his cheeks, “I just got a lot on my mind.”

Amethyst tilted back, “Come on, dude, spill. Crazy stuff keeps happening all the time but like, how do _you_ feel?” She raised an eyebrow, “You’re still a kid, gem royalty or not.”

“I’m fine.” Steven beamed, then took a too large bite out of his cold pizza.

“Steven,” Amethyst said, “It’s okay to be _not_ okay. You can’t bottle stuff up, it’s not healthy.”

He froze, then looked away. Amethyst wanted to shake him good until all his bad thoughts fell out like coins. At least it could be something easy to crush under her boots or hide away in her room. Amethyst reached across the table to hold his pudgy little hand, Steven squeezing back. _Her_ little meatball.

“What’s wrong?” Amethyst said gently, “If this is too heavy or something, we can skip out on the next few missions and go have fun! The Diamonds can eat my dick for all I care!!”

Steven giggled, ah _there_ he is.

“Amethyst!” Steven blushed, “Don’t let Pearl hear you say that.”

“Pearl Schmearl,” Amethyst flipped her hair, “She ain’t got nothing on me. What she gonna do? Suck my-”

“Amethyst!” Steven cut in, his face so wonderfully pink. Cackling, she lunged over the table to noogie his head. Steven squirmed until laughter fell out like bells. Step One: cheer up Steven, _accomplished._

Step Two: Talk time.

“It’s just that-” Steven started, then pulled away from her her hug, “I’m not trying to bottle it up, it’s that I haven’t figured out how to _say_ it yet. So much happened that,” Steven took a breath, “I don’t know how to feel about it?”

Not much of an answer but it was a start. Amethyst let her smile fall as Steven stared out the window, his eyes glimmering in the sunset. All she knew that something funky was going on with him. He hasn’t been acting like himself lately, and it set the Gems on edge. Garnet couldn’t see into the past after all. Even Greg told her that Steven just got awfully quiet sometimes.

“So what did you figure out so far?”

“I’m myself,” Steven whispered, barely heard over the pizza cafe’s chatter, “And no one can change that. Not even the Diamonds.”

Amethyst laid a hand on his shoulder, “That isn’t so bad.”

“Yeah,” The barest hint of a smile crossed his features, “Not bad at all.”

Okay, awkward question time. Amethyst pumped herself up. _You fought off a giant Gem-Mech, two Diamonds, and didn’t manage to get shattered through all that._ Asking a question should be easy peasy. Besides, she really wanted Steven out of his funk. Talking it all out is exactly what he needed. Maybe she could pick him up and take him outside if things get teary as fuck.

“How did you convince White Diamond?” Amethyst said, “Thousands of years of imperialistic rule just like that!” She snapped her fingers, “You don’t have to answer, dude,  but what if she goes back on her word? Or it’s just a big trick? W-we just wanted to know.”

Steven’s face darkened, his hand clenched into fists at the mention of White. Oh yeah, she _totally_ caught that. Amethyst’s form prickled as if a storm rolled in despite the cloudless sunset outside. Electricity thick at the back of her tongue as Steven turned to look at her.

She ain’t scared of Steven, but _man,_ his eyes…

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Steven said, “And she _won’t_ try anything.”

“But Steven, what if she-”

“She **_won’t_** **.** ” The window cracked behind him. Lines of cracks splintering out like a broken halo around his head. Static itched at her skin as Steven glared. The chatter stopped to a standstill. She couldn’t breathe in the silence, almost afraid of shattering that too.

Kofi broke it.

“What happened to my window?!” Kofi stood over their table, check already in hand. Whoops. Amethyst blew hair out of her face as she took the check and swallowed the rest of the pizza in one gulp. She sneaked a glance at Steven again, but that thunderous expression disappeared like a bad dream. Instead, he stared at his hands with an eerie emptiness behind it, like he was already a million miles away.

So _weird_.

“Hey uh, Steven?” Amethyst stood up, “Let’s go! I bet we could play Mortal Arms at home, I still wanna beat ya!”

Steven wiped at his eyes and nodded his head. He didn’t seem like a robot anymore, _good_. No robot-Stevens allowed on her watch! Amethyst looped an arm around him and shuffled him out the doors. Whatever Steven was going through, clearly he didn’t feel ready to talk about it. But she had a feeling it was _bad_. Like scary bad. But it was her sworn duty as big sis to look after her little bro, however long it takes!

“Hey, Amethyst?” Steven asked, finally speaking up on their walk halfway home, “I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you back there.”

“Yo, I’m over it already,” Amethyst shrugged, “If you wanna talk about it, you know I’m here to listen. All of us are. We won’t get mad or anything.”

Steven clutched his shirt, “Ye-yeah. I already talk some of my feelings out with Connie, so you don’t need to worry! I’m...I’m working on it, I promise.”

Amethyst grinned, “Good! And speaking of Connie, how is she doing? Still studying like a total nerd?”

Steven brightened, “Yeah! She’s hoping to get into honors next year! So she can get really good marks for ‘AP’ credit, whatever that is. I think she’s gonna do great.”

Amethyst’s smile softened as Steven rambled about Connie’s adventures at school. Then about Rhodonite and Rutile working together at the Big Donut. Kiddo wanted to talk about everything and everyone except himself. Boy, she knew what that was like. Amethyst let her worry ebb away ( _later_ ) and soaked in his enthusiasm.

Whatever new shit was around the corner, she was gonna be there ready to kick its butt!! So Steven wouldn’t have to. She knows they haven’t been around the house lately, but they still stopped by enough to know nightmares echoed at night. Steven waking up gasping and crying.

Whatever he went through, Amethyst would make sure it would _never happen again._

* * *

Steven woke up with a black eye, blinking up at a blue ceiling. He sat up with a groan, poking at his fresh bruise. He wondered if it was worrying that he was getting desensitized to seeing his entire family poof at once. Of _course_ , he had to accept a visit to one of the Empire’s biggest colonies in the galaxy for a cosmic jubilee. And something _had_ to go wrong. Three months of peace down the drain.

Steven stood up with a stretch, bones cracking. It’s not like they expected to get ambushed on their way out. All four of them warped back to the orbiting station in the colony’s atmosphere, big enough to be mistaken for a moon. An entire ship! The other three Diamonds already left since they had matters to attend to, and expected Blue’s colony to remain faithful enough to let them go home.

Oh, it did. Right up until they warped onto the ship and got ambushed. Steven had a feeling the Elites on-planet let the station be. Somewhere his Legs was confiscated in a bay probably. He didn’t even know where to _begin_ looking for it, not with hostile gems in every direction!

Steven took a breath. _Focus!_ He looked around his cell and then snickered. A wall of yellow light barred his only way out. A trap for any other gem except him. Maybe he could make it back home before the next episode of Under the Knife!  

Easy peasy.

Steven slunk closer to the wall. No gems in this hallway. One more glance left and right, gotta make sure. He stuck out a finger, the familiar tingly sensation greeted him, _hehehe_. All according to plan…He pushed his way through.

“Woohoo!” Steven said, pumping his hands into the air as he took in the smell of sweet freedom, “I’m out! Now I gotta find the others. Hmm…”

Steven ran through the hallways. Empty cells greeted him instead. Hmm, worrying. He turned the corner and bumped into a large wall. Ow! He rubbed his stinging nose as he stumbled to the ground.

“Hey! Watch where you’re goin-” a Topaz snapped, then her eyes widened, “How did you get out?”

Steven forced out a chuckle, “Uhm, well, someone left the door open?”

Topaz reached for him, already summoning her staff from her stomach gem. Oh well, one-on-one ain’t so bad. Looking on the bright side! Steven rolled away in time to miss his skull being crushed like a watermelon. He summoned his shield, slamming away her jabs.

He just-

 **Punch-** **_kick-THUMP._ **

Needed to get away! Steven ignored the twinges of a new bruise on his back. If he didn’t get a concussion after all this, it was a miracle. He grit his teeth against the pain. Steven glanced up at the ceiling. What if he just could..?

Steven jumped for the high ceiling. Then twirled in midair to land upside-down on it. When he didn’t start to drift downwards, he knew it worked. Steven couldn’t help but giggle, it’s been a secret move Connie and Steven thought up of. They wanted to see if it worked for _ages_. Oh golly, Connie was gonna-

A scream ripped out of his throat at the whip _yanking_ him back down and cratered into the floor. He screamed again as electricity sizzled him from the inside out. Ow. Super ow. His head spun as he saw Topaz, that big banana, reach for him again. The scoff of another gem in the distance.

Passing out again within less than a day? A new record…

Everything went dark.

 

Steven woke up. Again. This time strapped into a chair. Waves of agony rolled in from his back and face. Rescue attempt #1 was a failure then. Steven looked down at the straps, thick coils of yellow light around his wrists and ankles. The wall in front of him had the same barrier as earlier.

At that moment, the wall deactivated to let a gem step in, for a moment he thought White had come after all. Then he blinked, once and twice. The erratic hair like a messy halo stood out against the blue walls like green often did. Emerald’s heels clicked against the floors as she sauntered up to him. Her eye gem gleaming with glee.

“Oh!” Steven brightened, “You’re _Emerald_ , Lars’ arch-nemesis!”

“I am _not!!”_ Emerald shouted, “That cunning little fugitive is absolutely nothing to me. He’s worth less than the dirt on my shoes…” Emerald looked away, “Why? Did he mention that night watching the twin suns go down on the Wailing Stones?”

Steven tilted his head, “Uh, no?”

Emerald slammed the wall with her fist, “Argh! Where is that _pebble_ so I can crush him until he begs for mercy?!”

“I-I don’t know!” Steven lied, watching her pace set him on edge, “But I need to know where are my friends! Let me go home, I won’t say anything, I promise!”

Emerald stopped to cackle, her hand flared under her chin, “Hohoho! Like I would let you go. I’m sure the Diamonds wouldn’t mind a rest from your insidious whispers.”

“This again?” Steven muttered to himself, then louder, “Can you at least tell me if they’re fine? Please, I’m really worried.”

“The gems with you? Oh, why didn’t you say?” Emerald said, “They’re in the C sector.”

“Thank yo-”

“C for _Clods_!” Emerald swung around in her cape, pointing her finger right in his face, “As if I’d tell you the location of your entourage. You’d have to try harder than that!!”

“Okay?”

Emerald rolled her eyes then bent down to whisper, “You’re supposed to say ‘ _how could you, you devilish fiend!_ ’ or even ‘ _bingo bongo’_ and unexpectedly escape!”

Steven lifted his hands through the straps, “You mean like this, bingo bongo?”

“Yes, exactly!” Emerald brightened, then shoved his hands back under the straps, not caring at all that he went through them no problem, “I will leave you here to rot for a thousand years, you criminal!!! And in two cycles, you will be on trial for your crimes before the Kyanite Colony Court.”

Emerald’s laughter echoed through the cell, going on for several dramatic minutes. Steven didn’t have to try very hard to look upset. It seemed like she thrived off it. If he got the whole ‘script’ right, Emerald would leave, granting him an opportunity to escape. And probably save the day in typical fashion, whatever that was.

Emerald left in a flourish. The wall sealing up behind her. Steven let out a breath. Whew. When he got home, he should probably ask Lars more about his adventures as a space pirate. Clearly, he left some things out about Emerald.

Steven pulled out his hands through the straps again. His wrists sparked for a moment before they slipped off. Then he kicked off the straps around his legs. Steven jumped off his chair. Now for rescue attempt #2!

He ran headfirst through the sizzling barrier, ready for the unknown.

 

Rescue Attempt #2: Failure. Steven pulled up his shirt and winced at the foot-shaped bruise on his ribs. It _hurt_ if he breathed too much. A hiss escaped through his teeth. It doesn’t help either that Aquamarine had the ‘ _clumsiness_ ’ of bumping him into walls while she transported him back. He shoved the rude words he could think about her back down. Did Aquamarines have meanness written into their programming or something?

He glanced around his new cell. This time an ordinary door sat in front of him. The Era 2 insignia blazoned on the blue steel. Steven yelped as a screen dropped down from the ceiling. With a crackle, it turned on to reveal Emerald’s smug smile.

“Haha!” Emerald crowed, “You thought I was gonna let you escape? Think again, you you you-”

“Steven, it’s Steven.”

“Shut up! I already know who you are!!” Emerald rolled her eyes, “Genuine and heartfelt insults for a new enemy is hard, but no Bismuth can survive the burning hot hatred I have for you!! Mwhuehuehue, you’re trapped here until one of your friends come rescue you!”

Emerald cackled again. Already he tuned out the sound, knowing her, it’ll take another few minutes before she calmed down. He had a feeling this is where Lars _did_ have to wait for rescue. Even pink, his strength didn’t change much. Emerald seemed to know that. No noodle-armed teenager could weasel out of here.

“Where are my friends?!” Steven stood up, “Please, _Emerald,_ if you do...I’ll...I’ll tell you where your Sun Incinerator is?”

Emerald froze mid-cackle, then pulled up a screen, “They’re in the T sector.”

Steven narrowed his eyes, “Really?”

“T for Traitors!!!” Emerald burst out into laughter again, “Yo-your face!! This ship is as large as your colony’s moon, it’ll take you _hours_ or even days to search every inch of this place,” Emerald stuck out her tongue, “Nice talking to you…. _not._ ”

The screen disappeared back into the ceiling.

Steven groaned. How many times would he have to do this? He walked up to the door and studied it by running his hands over it. He tapped it a few times. Strong enough to trap humans like Lars or even Sadie in here. But he’s surpassed them in strength a long time ago.

Steven dug his fingers under the door and crumpled the metal up. It folded like aluminum foil until he left a hole big enough to crawl through. He let go with a snicker. Nice thinking, Universe. He got on his knees and crawled out of the room.

Rescue Attempt #3 is a Go!!

 

Turns out Nephrites could summon blasters, he hadn’t expected it. Nephrite back on Earth didn’t like to fight anymore, especially after the War. Now he sported several burnt marks on his shirt and pants as he shook off the pain in his new _new_ cell. Do they just keep transferring every time to a different sector?! He could tell by the slightly different shade of blue.

He didn’t want to get used to this.

Again a light barrier made up part of the wall. Steven stood up but froze as something jangled. He looked down to see physical shackles around his wrists and ankles. Chained to the wall like some kind of animal. He noticed the two extra sets of shackles on the floor and remembered the weird creature he saw in Pink’s dream on Homeworld. Like a weird rainbow bug. So this is where they kept them?

Well, that explained why the shackles were a bit tight.

Emerald appeared again, this time as a hologram, and Steven sighed. Another monologue about her victory yet again. Hunger gnawed at his stomach, he couldn’t be sure he’ll play along as nicely as last time. She was right though, it took _hours_ to explore.

Emerald stood above him, her eyes narrowed as she hissed, “What _are_ you?”

“I thought you already knew me?” Steven said, crossing his arms as he sat back against the wall, “I’m Steven Universe, I’m half human and half gem, if you haven’t figured that out by now.”

Emerald summoned a screen with the photo of his old cell, “Really? That cell was reinforced with top of the line steel! Even an Amethyst would struggle to get out!”

“O-oh,” Steven said, “I don’t think it was that hard? Amethyst is pretty strong!”

Emerald dismissed the screen and smiled as she looked around, “Good. Cause this is strong enough to hold _all_ Quartzes and beasts,” She grinned down at him, “Ta ta, little abomination!”

She left in a static flash.

Was it just him or was she getting meaner? He rubbed his head as he considered his options. Wait for rescue? No, they told the other Crystal Gems that the jubilee might take a while. Steven let his hands fall into his lap like Garnet taught him, in order to mediate his thoughts.

Sleep and go back to Earth?

Not for the first time, he wished Connie had come. He insisted she stay behind to take her exam. The teacher didn’t offer makeups after all. He remembered Connie’s tight grip on his hands before they left. She tried to push her sword into his hands. No.

_“But Steven-”_

_“It’s your sword, Connie.”_

One nightmare of poofing someone with a sword was enough. He swallowed back a lump in his throat as he remembered Connie’s tight hug. He missed her. Steven shook his head, he could cry later when he got his family back. But first.

Time to call for _backup._

A chortle escaped.

Did he just-

Okay, it _cannot_ be good if Emerald is starting to rub off him. He yelped as his ribs jolted with the movement. Laughing wasn’t a good idea anyway. Steven yawned. Sleeping came easier in recent years, he had a feeling that he sorta trained himself how without meaning to. When life and death came down to how fast he could fall asleep, then no wonder he picked it up.

Starlight filtered through his eyelids. He woke up in that place again. No matter how many times he did it, it still felt weird to step out of his own body. Almost like slipping off a heavy coat. Steven didn’t want to think about it too hard.

He kneeled over himself, brushing a few fingers through his hair, “Stay out of trouble. Not like you would. Not without me...literally!” Steven hesitated, “Gee, I hope Emerald doesn’t poke me awake or something. Whatever that’ll do.”

He craned his neck up to look at the glimmering cosmos, “I won’t be gone long. Promise.”

Steven focused hard on Dad and a star brightened into existence. His ticket back home. He let go of his body slowly, the void felt emptier without anyone there with him. No souls to encourage. Steven took one last look at his shackled body and then turned around.

He followed the light home.

 

Steven woke up again with a gasp. Lars, Dad, Bismuth, and Biggs the last faces he remembered. He wanted to cry in relief. The words he left in the sand:

_NEED BACKUP, COME TO KYANITE COLONY, HELP!!_

Renewed the hope in his heart. No doubt they could use some of the Roaming Eyes on loan from Yellow to arrive in a flash. Or even inform the Diamonds too!! Steven rubbed at his eyes, tears coming away warm. Okay, fine, he was crying in relief now. He smiled up at the light barrier, no matter how hard Emerald tried, he was never trapped.

Steven got up on his feet. His stomach growled. He wondered if it was a good investment to remember to stuff his pockets with food just in cases now. Geez. His stomach growled louder until it twinged painfully. Okay, mentally updating his status from ‘mildly starving’ to ‘starving’. Great. He wondered if he could beg Emerald to give him some fruit from the Kyanite colony they were orbiting.

Just anything at this point.

Steven gripped his chains bolted to the wall. Then _yanked_ on them, bracing his feet against the floor. The nails rattled in its holes as he grunted with the effort. Pain laced through his muscles, straining against bolts larger than his head. Come on…

Steven yelped as he bounced head over tail in the opposite direction. A tingly sensation passed over his body for a second before it was gone in a flash. He rolled to a stop in the hallway outside. Steven grinned down at his shackles, now chained to nothing. The wall left warped from the immense strain. An ugly scar on the smooth prison walls.

Take that!

Steven ran down the hallway, slinking into every shadow whenever he could. A closet laid open and he ran inside and slammed the door shut. Some peace and quiet for a few moments.

A static crackle turned on.

“Aggghhh!!!” Steven thumped his head against the wall as a screen drifted down from the shelves, “Leave me alone!”

Emerald gasped, “You have escaped for the last time!!”

“You always say that-”

“Shut up!!” Emerald snapped, “I wasn’t finished talking, you ugly hybrid!”

 _Definitely_ meaner.

“Well, I wasn’t either!” Steven threw his arms up, “You have to feed me! I’m _starving,_ I told you I’m half organic, so I need to eat. Can’t you give me some food from Kyanite down there?”

Emerald’s expression turned smug, “You haven’t looked out the window while you were off exploring?”

“N-no?” Steven said, “Why?”

Emerald leaned forward closer to the screen, “We’re already tens of thousands of light years from the Kyanite colony. I’m not _that_ stupid to hold one of Diamonds right where they left him,” Steven didn’t know what face he was making right now, but it was enough for Emerald’s smile to grow bigger, “The Elite gems would conveniently forget to report it for a while, and I mean a _while_ , so no one is coming for you.”

Steven shook as he glared up at her, “You miss Lars, I get that, but why are you doing this?”

“I DON’T MISS HIM!!!” Emerald said, as a dark flush overtook her face, “And as much I would love getting my Sun Incinerator back, I have to think of the Empire first. If I do this, I’ll get all the Sun Incinerators I want!!!”

“Do what?!” Steven shouted, “Are you gonna kill me or _not_? I-I…” He rubbed his arm, “I don’t like guessing, just tell me already and be over with it.”

Emerald’s chuckles filled the tiny closet, “The Diamonds listen to you. The Elites hate the new laws you’ve ‘introduced’,” Her smile darkened into something ugly, “You’ll receive no trial, no Zircons to argue your case, instead you’ll serve the Elites’ wishes for the rest of your life. Consider it mercy above being shattered.” Her teeth poked out from her lips, “ ** _We_ ** won’t let you bring this Empire down to ruins, or otherwise by the end of it all, you’ll have us worship _Pearls_.”

The screen exploded into shards.

Steven stared at his own fist embedded in the glass. Blood dripped off his knuckles, stark against the blue floors. Red and blue...He blinked back tears as sheer helplessness overcame him. Trapped, trapped, _trapped_ like Lisa at that facility with the splitting familiars machine.  

The door behind him opened with a hiss.

A giant shadow fell over him, his shoulders sagged with the weight of a hand. Here we go again. Steven closed his eyes in defeat as he was dragged out. The glimmering light of weapons being summoned around hm all too familiar.

Rescue Attempt #4: Failure.

 

Steven made a pitiful noise as he woke up again. He had two black eyes now. His right arm fractured in several places. His ribs screamed with every breath. Cheeks stung with punch-shaped bruises on his face. If Emerald’s plan was to beat the rebellion out of him, he’d hate to admit it was working a little. But he wouldn’t stay.

The blue ceiling above him, the shade of the sky at noon, wasn’t _home_. Never will be. Steven sat up with a grunt. His ribs screaming with every inch out of place. Maybe he broke one? Connie would know. She knew a lot of stuff.

Something cold bit into his wrists, he barely felt surprised at the new shackles around it. These ones weren’t the blue ones last time, instead they gleamed dark and gloomy. His eyes followed the line of chains hanging from it until he looked up.

Chained to a giant floor-to-ceiling window out to the cosmos. He gasped, freedom so tantalizing _close_. But the iron shackles thicker than one of Connie’s math homework and chained to a _glass wall out to space_ bode very ill for him. He couldn’t just pull them off the wall like last time. Otherwise, he’d break it and be ejected off into space with no hope for rescue.

For either him _or_ his family.

Stars twinkled through the glass, washing the room in a fantastical glow of reds, blues, and golds. He laid a hand on the freezing window, twisting his legs beneath him into a kneeling position, and watched the star system spin by. Three stars all in orbit far below. Tears dripped down, irritating his bruises even more, but once he started, he couldn’t stop.

His body shook with sobs. It’s been forever since he had a good cry. Lately, he let his anger burn his tears and sadness away. Or used the weight of responsibility of human _and_ gemkind to shove it down. There were times he let himself be a kid too, but kids were happy and enjoyed their _adolescence_ , so he let his smiles beam instead of anything else. Happy, Serious, Diplomatic, and _more_.

He could be everything that everyone wanted him to be.

Mom didn’t haunt him anymore, but it cast his demons hiding behind her frame into the stark light. Steven let out another shuddering sob, letting it all out. Nightmares welled up from his memory, Connie’s scream echoing through White’s Head, Blue hitting him, Yellow’s hand overtaking his vision.

_Stop crying, you’re really dehydrated._

Connie’s voice drifted through the emotional muck.

He wiped his tears, right right. Right, starving _and_ dying of thirst. Steven turned around and let his back rest against the glass. He _sagged_ at the balm against his stinging bruises. Stronger than a typical human, he could take a _lot_ of abuse, but he didn’t want to know his limits. But it looks like he wouldn’t get a choice in that decision.

“What would Dad say? His only son at 14, stuck as a prisoner of war?” Steven buried his face into his knees, “What a disappointment…”

He let himself wallow in pity for a few more minutes.

Steven took in another breath, ignoring how much it hurt. He needed to escape. No matter how many rescue attempts it took. Emerald didn’t seem to know or care that he needed to eat. Steven studied his cuffs, it didn’t seem all _that_ different.

He glanced up at the opposite wall. The largest door he ever saw took it up. Larger than White even, and probably even more reinforced. Maybe an observation deck for the Diamonds? It would explain the tall ceilings and the large room. He smiled at the idea of Obsidian comfortably sleeping across the length of it.

Obsidian, he wondered if it was irresponsible to ask for more of them. She was just so _cool_. And everything else being tiny in comparison felt _exhilarating._  

Steven poked at his cuffs. It seemed physical enough. He started to tug at it, then bit back a few choice swears as a jolt whipped through him. What was _that_?! Steven squinted down at it. Then he noticed a faint light through the lines in the iron. Yellow.

A mix of physical _and_ light restraints.

No, no, _no._

Panic welled up from some deep-seated part of him. No, no, _no._ What if he could just shapeshift out of them? He could shrink his wrists back to toddler size and slip them out. Steven closed his eyes and focused on the shift. He thought of small cars, a van that smelled like waffles, and the strums of his ukelele.

_Zap!_

More swears flew through his mind, biting down on his tongue from expressing any of them. He both hated and loved Amethyst in that moment, for giving him swears when he couldn't say them. Pearl and Greg would never let him hear the end of it, and Garnet….well she’d probably say a swear and he just couldn’t _imagine_ it. His mind would explode on impact. So he kept them to himself.

He spent the next few minutes trying every way he could to get out of his restraints. Even gnawing on them didn’t work. Only giving him a zap painful enough to make his teeth rattle. Oh, he’d feel that one for a while. Ow.

“Ugh!” Steven slumped against the window, “This is impossible!!”

Then his eyes landed on his gem poking out from under his shirt. A terrible idea formed in his mind. If Emerald went to all this trouble to finally trap him as a gem-human hybrid...he could easily fix that, couldn’t he? Just a pull and _plonk,_ he’d be free.

At least _half_ free.

Steven pulled up his shirt, his hands shaking almost too much to grip it. He can’t be actually _considering_ it. But no one else was coming to rescue him. The gems were bubbled god knows where. Not even the Diamonds had any idea what had happened. Would they even think to ask their Sapphires on how he was doing? How long before Lars and the other crystal gems realize he’s not on Kyanite at all??

**_No._ **

Steven wasn’t surprised at the answer from within him. He stared down at his gem with wide eyes as he clasped his fingers around it. Just a pull and a yank. Not that hard. His gem, so familiar to the touch over the years, felt cold to the touch.

Steven pulled.

**_NO!_ **

He pulled it up and away from his stomach. But it didn’t pop off. Instead, pink and yellow lines lit up in spider cracks around it. Nausea and bile burnt the back of his throat at the sight of it. He dug his fingers in around the edges. He can’t-

**_DOn’t_ **

_But I have to._

**_STOP! Stop, stop, stop.  STOP!!!_ **

The strength from his fingers faded rapidly and his arm dropped like dead weight. Pins and needles pinched at it. Steven glared down at the rebellious arm. Ah, geez. He doesn’t like doing this either but what else could he do?

He waited patiently until he could move his fingers again. The pin and needles faded as light came back into the limb. Steven shuffled himself into a meditative sit and let his palms rest over each other facing upwards like Garnet once taught Steveonnie.

Steven looked down at his hands.

Unbidden, a memory welled up without prompting.

_“Garnet?” Steven said, looking up from his laundry basket, “What’s it like being a fusion all the time? Do you forget who you used to be?”_

_“You know, when you fuse, you don’t feel like two people, you feel like one being,” Garnet looked at her hands, her own gems gleaming in the sunshine, “And your old names might as well be names for your left arm, and your right.”_

Steven took a breath despite his ribs’ protests. He let the memory fade away. Steven didn’t _feel_ like a fusion, but he didn’t feel like an entire person either. Garnet could still survive apart but he couldn’t, instead it’s like being shattered. It might even be. Despite everything he didn’t know about himself, he liked to think he was made up of love. Whether for himself or his mom’s, he preferred the latter. He closed his eyes and  _focused_.

His fusion space, _whatever_ it is, was washed in pinks and whites. Like a murkier version of mom’s room in the temple. Pink grass rolled beneath in waves, the faintest of paint strokes for clouds far above.

Dog woke up against Copter’s chest, sitting in his lap. Copter glared down at him, his eyes narrowed down to pinpoints. They weren’t apart yet and Dog could already feel tears streaming down his face. Like a blubby baby, so different from Copter’s stony silence.

“We’re trapped,” Dog rasped, “It’s okay. I swear it’s _okay_. You’ll do your thing and I’ll just wait right here for you.”

Copter squeezed him tight, “No. I don’t **_like_ **it.”

“We have to,” Dog said, “We can’t just _leave_ our family in our danger! Garnet, Pearl, Amethyst, they’re all trapped in a bubble. What do you suggest we do?!”

“ **Stay.** ”

Dog weakly pushed against Copter’s chest, “Oh so, _you_ get to leave without asking me last time, but you won’t let me do this?! Please,” Dog covered his face in his hands, “ _please_ , there’s no other way. I’m getting used to dying anyway.”

Copter looked away, “We...We don’t want to die. _Steven_ doesn’t.”

Dog shoved at Copter’s chest, “You just want to protect me! It’s not like there’s much _to_ protect if we stay here! We’ll die of thirst, if not, then _starvation_ next,” Dog let his anger well up, emotions sharp enough to blind him, “I-I **hate** you! Just leave, _leave,_ and save the others if not me.”

Dog tried to crawl off Copter’s lap to make his point. Copter didn’t let him, his hug tight but not enough to choke. Dog turned up his face, charging up for another tirade, but he froze at the expression on Copter’s face. The ethereal features broken into a grimace, _fear_ written across it.

“ **I don’t want to leave you,** ” Copter said, his voice echoing, “You make me feel…”

Copter trailed off, already the sentence and a half drained him. Guilt whipped Dog’s squishy insides. It was another part of _Steven_ looking back at him after all. Even if he didn’t hold the same love for others like Dog himself did (he only had enough room in his heart for Dog and Steven), Copter still cared and tore himself up in knots about the people he loved. Like Steven.

Dog cradled Copter’s face, he’s only seen him two times before now, but he had a feeling he’d never get tired of it. The fact that it was _him_ who owned his gem, made him happier than words could ever describe. Dog smiled weakly, hoping Copter lightened up.

Steven was scared, and Copter felt the same way.

“Hey, I know I’m not that strong,” Dog said, his words so rough compared to Copter’s melodious notes, “But I’ll hang on. Steven is pretty strong so I must be the same too. Don’t worry.” He hesitated, then, “I lied earlier, I really meant to say I love you.”

Copter whispered in the smallest voice, “Me too.”

Dog grinned, “So here’s the plan, big guy…”

 

Steven appeared among the grass. Dog waved to him, happiness lighting up his whole face. Copter reflected his counterpart, his smile wide enough to match. Steven giggled and dropped to his knees to pull them into a hug. He loved them like he loved himself. Haha! Dog’s tears were warm against his shoulders while Copter’s grip on his shirt reassured him more than anything.

Steven leaned back, “So, Copter, you know this is a lot of trust in you, right?”

Copter nodded.

“Yo-you know you’re gonna be alone out there,” Steven placed a hand on his shoulder, “I don’t want to see you sha-sha-” Steven swallowed back a lump, “ _shatter_ anyone, got it?”

Another nod. Steven hoped he took it as an order instead of a loose guideline. He already had enough nightmares about Copter killing everyone he ever knew and loved in a fit of rage. Or after his human half died, his gem would go berserk and be a giant Game Over for everyone. And no one else knew what it was like to house a nuclear reactor ready to go off at any time. So he couldn't really talk to anyone about it...

Dog sagged against Copter’s chest, “It’s gonna be okay, Steven. I trust him.”

Steven blinked back his own tears welling up. All of them were so _scared_ , afraid of losing each other. Of losing  _him_ forever. And they had to put their trust in Copter, and he didn’t even have empathy or any semblance of right or wrong. Pure power stripped down in a way other gems could not. Not even White Diamond gave him a clear answer on _why_.

Steven opened his eyes back in reality. His gem gleamed in the twinkling stars from outside. Hunger and thirst made him feel weak and in sludge. Maybe even the shackles drained him in some part. Steven clamped his fingers around his gem.

Steven _pulled_. This time only yellow light lit up around his gem, trying to contain it. Bile and blood thick at the back of his throat. Black spots danced in his vision as he _yanked_ and-

**Clink.**

Dog watched his gem bounce and roll against the floor. Free. No longer pulled against the grain, he sagged against the window. Humanity and death weighed down on him like a heavy blanket. Sleep threatened to swallow him. Tempting him to drown in the everlasting darkness.

His gem floated up into the air. Pink Diamond’s silhouette towered over him. Then Rose Quartz’ dress flared into existence. Dog enjoyed the blow of air against his sweaty brow. Then finally (thankfully), the light shrank into himself.

“I-I need,” Dog couldn’t help the words, instinct overtook thought, “Co-come back.”

Copter kneeled by his side, a soft glow against his pale skin. Copter twined his fingers through his own and leaned forward. Dog shook his head. He fought through the strange floaty feeling of his spirit to rasp out what he needed to say before he lost his nerve.

“Go,” Dog smiled, “I’ll be right here.”

Copter shook minutely, then took his time untwining his fingers from Dog. Stubborn gem. Didn’t he know this was a see you later and not goodbye?

“I don’t have much time,” Dog said, “Go, before I ki-” He coughed, “Kick the bucket.”

Copter’s eyes narrowed.

“Not a fan of that joke, huh?”

Copter let go of him. He stood up and started to walk over to the door. Dog winced, he knew his pure gem self was a being of immense power and strength but _come on_.

“Can you hurry up? Walk or even run a little faster?” Dog called out, his voice cracking with the strain, “And please don’t killanyoneokay.”

Copter turned around. His face devoid of expression and life, eerie to say the least. He gave a thumbs up. _Wh-what_? Dog giggled, then hissed as his ribs screamed. Okay, bad idea, ow. What if he just...closed his eyes for a second? Only a second...

His eyes drifted shut to the sound of metal screeching and groaning.

 

Copter looked back. His body sat slumped against the window, pale skin gleaming with the soft glow of stars. So tiny and fragile. Soft wheezing the only proof of life. Copter paused, only for a moment, to capture the picture.

Somewhere in the recesses of his gem panged.

Immortality and mortality on opposite sides of the room. Never twain to meet, according to the natural order of things. But then again, life found a way. It always did.

Copter turned around to the torn hole in the doors and crawled through. Turning his back on Ste- _Dog_ felt wrong and unnatural. His eyes automatically adjusted to the light change of the hallway outside.

Mission Objective: Get back to Dog as soon as possible.

A purpose, a _comforting_ thing for the gem, it pushed him into motion. He ran through the hallways, each foot moving forward at precisely eight inches apart. So inefficient. Copter pushed off the floor with a jump and let himself move forward into perpetual motion. Sliding through the air made things easier, or rather the air moved around him.

Gravity was only an illusion after all. Air resistance, movement, and the _rules_ of the universe seemed like loose guidelines. The universe twisted and warped around his gem like it was a singularity in space. Call it magic for how little he cared.

Stars rarely did.

Copter spotted a few unsuspecting gems patrolling ahead. He came to a stop above them. Two Topazes, several Rubies, and an Abalone Pearl, a beautiful gem with green and yellow accents. The Topazes and Rubies grunted into fighting positions. Pearl hid behind a column.

The spear slid through his projection like water. There would be no poofing from him. A bubble appeared, if only for convenience. A wind whipped up around him, the metal groaned as he pushed his _presence_ into the fabric of reality.

“Pearl! Run!” Topaz shouted over the gale, her twin disappeared into a cloud, “Go! I’ll be fine, I’ll hold this _thing_ off!!”

More gems clinked to the floor, even the ‘eternal flames’ of Rubies could be easily squashed. Topaz stood before him, her lance held up. He raised his shield, ready to strike again. Then a cry cut through the wind.

“Stop!” Pearl screamed, draping herself in front of Topaz, “Don’t-don’t hurt her. What do you want? I’ll do anything, just _please,_ ” Pearl’s eyes shimmered with an emotion he couldn’t hope to understand, “Don’t hurt my Paz.”

His logical programs considered the offer. Ran several scenarios and statistics of how likely it helped his mission objective. Topaz already pulled the shaking Pearl behind her, the move more logical than the Pearl’s pleas. Steven would’ve listened. Dog’s own frantic words replayed on loop in his memory banks.

The wind drifted to a stop. His bubble dropped as he slid forward to stare down into Topaz’s wide eyes. He batted his hand, and smacked her head over tail into the wall, _in his way_. His true target stood in front of him, Pearl. Often overlooked but twenty thousand years worth of embedded memory told him to notice the small. To notice _her_ out of most gems.

“ **You will take me to Emerald** ,” Copter said, “ **Immediately.** ”

“And Paz?” Pearl asked, “Yo-you know what I said.”

He nodded, “ **She can’t come, but say goodbye.** **Quick.** ”

Pearl threw herself into Paz’s arms with a sob. Copter tilted his head as they spun around, asking if the other was okay. Feelings, emotions, empathy...all of them dying in a room several miles away. In a vessel rotting with every second. Paz squeezed her one last time before they let go.

Love, he couldn’t compute it, as if dividing by zero. All his power _needed_ a purpose. A dusty protocol from the first moment of his emergence. But that was **restricted information**. The desire still welled up in other ways, even _Steven_ couldn’t help it, but he put it into nicer terms. A magical destiny sounded better than a predetermined set of codes that governed every thought and motion to fulfill an outcome.

Pearl stepped through the door of the next hallway. Copter drifted behind her and the door clicked with a hiss. Paz waved to them on the other side of the window.

**_SLAM_ **

The circuit board sparked around the shield in it. Copter watched the airlock open on the other side, the cold vacuum sucking the gems out into space. Paz clawed against the window before she disappeared too. No loose ends. And if they got shattered by asteroids, then it wasn’t his _fault_. He hadn’t violated his no-shatter directive.

Pearl didn’t even notice the bubble around her, still frozen in shock. The universe slid past him again, this time Pearl’s soft voice when to turn left or right. Useful. He paid no mind to the gems that tried to stop him. No weapon slowed him down. Instead of accepting their quaint battles (a waste when his other half was _dying_ ), he simply opened airlocks as he went. Gems disappearing into the black.

Quick, efficient, and no fuss.

Three minutes and forty-three seconds since Separation later. Precise down to the milliseconds. They arrived at a warp pad. Finally, his mission objective could be completed.

“General Emerald is in the K sector, sir,” Pearl said, “There is another warp close by that you can take to the bridge. There you will see her in person, my Diamond.”

Copter didn’t bother to correct her. Wasted energy not part of his mission. The warp activated in a flash.

They arrived at a warping hub. A whole area of warp pads and gems going about their day. Buildings stretched up into darkness, the ceiling too far to see. Like a miniature city far below the surface of the moon-sized ship. Shouts filled the air as they took notice of him, as if they’d miss his eerie pink glow against the blue of everything else.

Pearl squirmed in her bubble, perhaps excited for an opportunity to escape. Green shots from a few brave Peridots slid through him. The sensation tingled. The teeming world awakened with flashes of weapons summoned, or the shouts of those fleeing.

“ **_I…_ ** ” Copter snarled, hovering higher and higher into the air as the whole world trembled from the strain of his _presence_ , “ ** _DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THISSS!!!!!”_ **

Windows shattered and buildings fell in the shock wave of his shout. Metal warped and twisted glinted in the overpowering pink light. A whole rainbow of clouds cloaked the ground, poofed. Miles of destruction and a pentagon-shaped crater beneath him. Spanning for miles in every direction.

Thirty-nine more seconds wasted. Copter stepped down on invisible steps to Pearl’s bubble, no more delays on his mission objective. Pearl shook like a leaf in the wind but pointed to a pile of rubble just below. Still useful. Excellent.

Copter lifted the rubble away with another bubble around it. The warp remained intact, miraculously enough. He ignored the glass shards on the platform as they landed on it. Copter paused. _Steven_ wouldn’t ignore it. Instead, he bent down and studied them.

Glass.

Not gems.

Copter stood up again and they disappeared in a flash. The parameters of his no-shatter directive remained valid. Steven would be pleased with his exemplary choices.

(Perhaps, should’ve specified a bit further).

The bridge full of Peridots and Nephrites with no other than Emerald at the helm, all in various shades of green, was a nice change of pace than the irritating blue. Copter popped Pearl’s bubble and let her go.

He couldn’t divide his power at a time like this.

Not when the _success_ of the mission rode on it.

Copter stepped off the warp pad and toward Emerald. The flash of Pearl escaping didn’t surprise him. It made logical sense to flee from imminent doom and destruction after all. Emerald’s cackle echoed through the room. She started her monologue, the words might as be garbled for all he could care to understand. He raised his hand and-

For the first time, Copter blinked.

The tips of his fingers appeared fuzzy and indistinct. Pink glittery dust flaked off, his projected form withering away. Processing, calculating, then evaluating a new course of action. Steven was fading away quicker than he estimated. No, no, _no._ **NO!**

“I, Emerald, will always triumph in the end!” Emerald crowed, “So cower before me, you- _guak!”_

Copter stood over her, one hand tight around her gem. He ground his flip-flop further into her face. A careful application of pressure, he couldn’t poof her just yet. Time, so little of it, needed to be used wisely. Emerald sputtered and gasped as she bucked against the floor.

Squirming, how _funny_.

A recording of Garnet’s voice played, _“All comedy is derived from fear_.”

Copter turned his head to a Peridot, “ **Broadcast this everywhere.** **_Now._** ”

He’d have another Peridot to thank later on educating him on how Homeworld elites assumed leadership positions. Battle and brutality, of course. Emerald’s nails clawed at his jeans, desperate despite her brave yowls.

“Ye-yes sir,” Peridot squeaked, “Broadcasting this on all stations. Just look at this screen if you want to address her- _your_ subjects.”

Somewhere in the darkest recesses of a whole galaxy away from home, millions of gems watched their leader scream at the hands of a boy. Of a _monster_. Emerald’s voice dripping with fear as the pink pudgy fingers _twisted_. Green hairline fractures, cracking under the cruel strain.

“Death before dishonor, _death before dishonor_ ,” Emerald repeated like a mantra, “ _I WON’T DIE! I WON’T DIE! DEATH BEFORE-_ ” Emerald’s form glitched, another gasp of pain, “ _I WON’T_ **_DIE_ ** _AT THE HANDS OF THE LIKES OF YO-”_

An explosion of green smoke.

The monster straightened, then slowly turned to look straight into the screen. His pink eyes devoid of expression, somehow more terrifying than a sneer of an Agate. No remorse except for the time lost to Emerald’s dramatics. He held up Emerald to the light, for all to see, an _example_. The whole ship echoed with silence in attention for the first words from the beast.

“ **I’m your leader now**.”

Pink light flashed then-

The screen turned to white snow and the ship darkened as all lights went out. A power outage. Then red lights flicked on as the backup generators took over. The ship erupted into chaos.

Back in the control room, Copter looked down at Emerald’s gem. He hadn’t meant to crack her. A miscalculation on his part. He licked her and immediately the fractures healed. Good. He had a feeling Steven wouldn’t approve of leaving a gem cracked in his care. His eyes glanced to his fingers again, already an inch gone.

Mission objective: get back to Dog _as soon as possible_.

“ **Peridot** ,” Copter said, “ **...I’ll be back. I expect my Legs and my entourage back too.”**

“Yes, sir! Of course sir!!” Peridot saluted him, “Right away, my Diamond! I won’t disappoint you, my radiant and err-” another Peridot kicked her, “-Opulent Diamond!”

“ **Opulent** **_Steven_** **.** ”

Copter slid back to the warp pad and left. He wished he didn’t have to speak. Why did others pester him so? He preferred the existential silence and rest within Steven. Only awoken whenever he needed to be activated. Extra bursts of speed and strength that Steven didn’t need to think about activating. A certain peace couldn’t be told in words when he made up Steven, an experience he didn’t ever want to end.

An experience he didn’t have now.

Copter brute-forced his way through the hallways, he had already mentally calculated Dog’s exact location earlier from Pearl’s instructions. His spiked bubble cut through the metal and steel. This time gems assumed salutes as he passed. Convenient.

Five minutes and twenty-six seconds since Separation.

He drifted to a stop in front of the Diamond door. Copter crawled through, not wasting more strength than he needed to. His visual and auditory programs already reported errors and static, no doubt from his disappearing fingers and toes. Closer, _closer,_ **_please._ **

Dog laid slumped on the glittering floor, lit up by the starlight outside. His body curled up into a ball, flicks of blood splattered around. Near imperceptible claw marks on the floors and burnt red wrists underneath his shackles (now open shackles, thankfully). Even his fingernails had been filed down to bloody stubs. All of it added up to a disturbing scene.

Clues to a desperate crawl back to his other half.

Physical limits damned.

Copter _flew_ to his side. A burst of speed that threatened to pass the speed of light. He pulled up Dog into his arms, and his processors _stuttered_ over how limp the boy was. No, no, _no._ Incorrect. He can’t be-

“Wake up,” Copter said, he shook him gently as he could, “I said, **_wake up_**.”

Dog didn’t stir.

Copter shook him more, “Wake up! We need to be Steven again, you _made_ me do this, how can you save your ‘family’ now?”

No answer.

Copter didn’t remember how to express anything. Shock, sorrow, or even anger. Those processing powers were delegated to his other half. Dying. Both of them. It seemed Copter had an expiration date, after all. What a novelty. But one he didn’t want. Not _this._

Copter pulled Dog tight against his chest into a hug. More of muscle memory than anything. Memory and power, the only things that kept him from going inert, and it was fading. Pink dust glinted against pale sickly skin, a thin veneer of snow. Copter pulled Dog into his lap and buried his face into those familiar curls.

The whole _universe_ laid before him beyond the windows….but nowhere was better than here. He closed his eyes. Mission: Failu-

 

“....hey,” a voice rasped, “What took you so long?”

Copter pulled away to look down at Dog, “ **dOn’T dO tHaT.”**

Dog smiled weakly, “ I-I-I need you, bro.”

“ **I need you too.** ”

Copter didn’t need to dance, not this time. He twined his fingers through the other’s. Hand in hand, head to head, and a smile. His vision blurred with the onset of tears. Emotion flooded his systems as the lines between them blurred. Tears of... _relief_ dripped down his form. He missed the twinges in his nonexistent chest, the beat of a heart he didn’t have. Laughter burst out of him as **love** filled him up from the bottom of his toes up to his head. A warmth that stars could never emulate.

He needed to be _whole._

A flash of light filled his vision. He let himself fade away in the brilliance to the sound of Dog’s giggles. A wonderful sound. Soft peace of pink fields and a permanent sunny day awaited him soon. Hopefully, he never needed to come out again.

_Please._

* * *

 Amethyst reformed already hitting the floor rolling. Steven! She looked around, one hand already around her whip handle, when pink walls greeted her instead of blue. What? Her eyes landed on the familiar back of Steven ahead.

His fingers tapped pink screens with an ease that wasn’t there before. Like he’d been using them his whole life. Then she noticed the burnt sleeves and holes in his shirt. Purple bruises down his arms and through the frayed shirt. Steven looked _wrecked._

Amethyst let her whip disappear as she walked toward him, “Dude, you look terrible.”

Steven froze, then called over his shoulder, “Amethyst, you’re back!!”

Oh right, couldn’t turn around while he had the Legs on. She glanced down at the pink light around his legs, not for the first time she wondered how it felt. Tingly, probably. Maybe one day she could pilot it. It seemed so _fun_ and cool!!!

Amethyst turned to face Steven and _red_ filled up her vision, “ _Holy shit_ , you look like a bruised avocado. Oh oh, not even that!” She put her hands on his shoulders as he looked away, “Like _Jamie_ shipped a bruised avocado and then banged it up even more on his route!!”

Steven pulled her into a hug.

“...where are the fuckers who did this to you, Steven?” Amethyst growled, Steven shook even more, “I’ll beat them up so bad that they’ll...they’ll...uh,” Amethyst floundered as tears soaked her shirt, “Are you okay?”

A tiny muffled, “No.” answered.

Pearl reformed next. Amethyst quickly waved off her automatic spear over Steven’s shoulder, not the greatest fix for a crying Steven. Amethyst ran a hand through his curls, quietly murmuring everything was gonna be okay. Maybe they needed to schedule another vacation when they got home, and hope Greg remembered to include amenities this time.

Even cave-men needed free ice, duh.

“Oh, Steven,” Pearl said, her hand gently on his shoulder, “I’m glad I packed the first aid kit in your backpack. Do you need a hug too?”

Steven looked up at her, snot dribbling down his face. And nodded. Pearl kneeled down and pulled him for a tight hug. Oh gee, here comes the waterworks. Pearl cried loudly, god, she was an even uglier crier than Steven. Amethyst ignored her own tear tracks. Whatever. She ain’t a stone cold robot.

Steven whimpered in the tight hug between them. A pitiful and broken sound. Oh, those fuckers were so **_dead_** _._ Assholes. Gonna punch their teeth in until they choked on it. No one got to mess with her little man like this.

Pearl pulled away with a watery sniffle and went to rustle in the backpack laid haphazardly against the wall. Always a gem of action. She pulled out the first aid kit by the time another flash appeared. Amethyst managed to get Steven to stop sobbing, but no words came spilling out yet.

Garnet put a hand on Steven’s head, “It’s okay now, we’re safe.”

Steven’s shoulders sagged, then turned to clutch her leg. Garnet shushed him and wiped away his tears. S’wasn’t fair that she had future vision to know exactly what to say. Amethyst blew hair out of her face and let the two of them be. Garnet had it handled.

Pearl came back with the kit, “Steven? I need you to take off your shirt so I can treat your wounds. Connie told me all about the tools and stuff in here, as she says, safety first!”

Steven held Garnet’s hand and looked up. Garnet nodded. Steven hesitated then struggled to pull off his shirt with one arm. Not using his left one at all.

“Uhh, do you need help there?” Amethyst said, “Cause what’s up with your left arm, dude?”

Garnet froze, then said, “Fractured in three different places. But Steven won’t say why,” A pause, “You know we won’t judge you.”

Pearl carefully pulled off his shirt with help from Amethyst. Steven held onto Garnet the whole time. Okay, something _seriously_ bad happened, cause his funk was even worse now. Ugghhhh, more feelsy talk times in the future then.

The three of them gasped at the boot prints on his ribs. Some burned and some not. She recognized a boot from a Ruby anywhere. But the others she didn’t know. His wrists were rubbed raw and even now, blood still flaked from them. Sharp nasty lines carved against his chest that only a whip or a two left behind. And burn marks from blasters littered his thin chest.

Wait, _thin_?

“When was the last time you ate?” Amethyst whispered.

“Uhm, like five days ago?” Steven said, cradling his bad arm, “They didn’t let me eat or anything, thought I was making it up.”

Pearl shoved a granola bar into his face, “Eat right now, young man!”

Steven giggled and took a munch out of it.

Garnet kneeled down to his level, “What happened, Steven? One minute we were there with you, and now it’s five days later. Can you fill us in on what we missed?”

“Escaping was really hard,” Steven said, wincing as Pearl dabbed at his wounds, “I tried sneaking, fighting, or even talking my way out. But they _really_ didn’t like me. None of the gems wanted to help me no matter how hard I tried!” Steven pouted, “So I managed to escape for like the millionth time and finally sneak you guys away and get my Legs back! Well, actually…”

Steven pointed upwards. A pink bubble housed a green gem, a rectangular cut. Nothing she’s seen ever before. Amethyst’s eyebrows raised up to her hairline as she considered it. Like why Steven hadn’t let her out...

“One gem _did_ help me escape, her name is Emerald!” Steven grinned, his smile made the deep bags under his eyes disappear, “They were gonna _shatter_ her! I couldn’t just leave her, and I think Lars knew her while being a space pirate and all. So she’s coming with us to Earth!”

Amethyst ignored the niggle of worry about the explanation. It seemed...too cut and dry. But Steven didn’t really do lies. Well, sometimes, but not to _them_. Steven brushed a hand over his gem, his eyes unfocused as he stared up at the bubble.

Definitely a vacation, then.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whew!!! big oof!! I legit had to sit back several times while writing this and be like "god, I'm terrible and evil" 
> 
> Hopefully, the next chapter won't be so long because _jesus christ_! Unless you guys like the long chapter then let me know XD cause i thrive on ur comments <333
> 
> The next chapter is gonna be back on Earth, and this time Steven will get to talk to Jasper, our Jasper, cause she has a lot of hard questions about the whole Pink Diamond/Rose Quartz/Steven thing. Place your bets on how that ends xP
> 
> leave some kudos and comments, love y'all!! :D


	3. twist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Greg and Steven have a heart-to-heart, later he finds Jasper sulking by his house, and then a sudden visit by people he doesn't feel too safe around but everything is just _fine_ , and if he says it enough times, it's bound to be true eventually right?  
> death doesn't seem so scary now that he knows what's on the other side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warnings:** Swearing, mentions of past abuse, non-graphic panic attack, verbal and emotional abuse, slight violence, and PTSD  
>  
> 
>  **Notes:** this isn't a 10k monster so that's a small mercy! Whoo! So tonight I have decided to update and give you a full meal of Steven angst like y'all deserve. The boy hasn't gone through enough clearly. But there is the start of some comfort to this hurt/comfort story. I can promise Steven gets a hug or two. What am I, Satan? (yes).

His car keys glinted in the moonlight as Greg swung them around on his fingers. The jangling a wonderful (and nostalgic) sound. He sighed and slipped them in the back pocket of his jeans. Van locked and ready to go to drive Connie back to her parents tonight. Greg looked upwards to the hill, Garnet said the kids were up here for some reason.

Probably practicing more jam sessions together or something.

Instead of the usual plucks and songs, he heard shouts on the summer breeze. Barely kept under the threshold of frustrated yells. Oh boy. Greg wondered if he needed to step in before he needs to wipe away his Stu-ball’s tears for the next few days.

Picking up his pace a little faster, the lighthouse came closer into view. Connie and Steven stood underneath in its moonlit shadow. The angle of the moonlight shifted Steven’s features into indiscernible shadow beyond the stubborn grimace he wore. And Connie, wow, what did Steven _do_ to get on her bad side? Cause he’s never seen Connie this red in the face before.

“Steven,” Connie said, Greg took a step back at her tone, “You can’t just keep bottling this up! What happened to you, what happened to _us_ , was really _really_ scary.”

“I can’t!” Steven shot back, “Tell the gems and what? Throw everything I’ve done down the drain?! They already grounded me, I can’t go see the other colonies, cause it’s _dangerous_.”

“It is!”

“Not for me, it’s not!” Steven said, then paced around in a circle, “I need to go talk to these Elites in _person_. Then they can listen to me! How can I be a voice for peace when I’m stuck here on Earth?”

“You know we’re all worried about you,” Connie said, “I think-” She set a hand on his shoulder, “I think you need to go to therapy.”

“What?”

“Mom wanted me to go after I couldn’t stop having nightmares,” Connie’s face changed into something older, her eyes darker, “The war left scars on all of us, even me, and you. And I think you’ll really like her, Steven!” She tugged a smile up desperately, “She’s supportive and nice!! And she actually _listens_ to you!”

“So I can tell her how I’m my own mom? Or that I inherited an intergalactic imperialistic empire or how I talk to dictators about their feelings every week? Or how I pretend that everything is fine when it’s really not?!”

Connie threw her hands up in the air, “ _YES!”_

“I don’t know, Connie,” Steven hunched into himself, “If I can’t even tell my own friends and family, how can I tell it to someone else?”

“Cause they don’t have a million peace treaties riding on it for one?” Connie said, then sighed, “Steven, you _have_ to tell someone. Every time you tell me about Copter’s reappearance, I...hate myself a little more for not being there.”

“What! It’s not your fault!!” Steven said, hands tight on her shoulders, “It’s not like I planned to **_die!_** ”

Silence rang through the clearing. Greg’s heart skipped a beat, then two, as neither of them denied it. Quiet sniffles broke him out of his world-shattering reverie. Connie wiped away her tears, slow at first but then all at once it came pouring out. Steven pulled out a handkerchief and dabbed at her face while sprouting apologies left and right. His own eyes wet. Connie’s shoulders shook as she pulled Steven into a tight hug, making Greg’s own heart pang.

They squeezed each other under the moonlight, Steven quiet on her shoulder as she sobbed.

“...Hope I’m not interrupting here, Stu-ball,” Greg said, his voice wobbly, “I came up here to drive Connie home, but is there anything you need to tell me first?”

Connie drew back from Steven, “Mr. Universe! I’m-I’m sorry. But-” She wiped her nose on her sleeve, “That’s up to Steven.”

Greg walked up to them. Steven held Connie’s hand as he looked down at the grass. His son’s eyes gleaming with an emotion he couldn’t name. Like a mix of anger and fear, but ultimately sorrow. Something about Rose then. Greg sighed, he knew how Steven got whenever he thought about her these days. Ain’t the most positive outlook, but it was normal. Kids having complicated feelings about their parents came with the package of growing up. Hell, he was the same way too!

Greg didn’t expect it to be so _soon_.

“It’s okay, Connie,” Steven said quietly, “You go on ahead, I’ll….I’ll talk with Dad. If I need anything, I’ll just text you, okay?”

Connie hesitated. Then pulled her fingers away and rushed back down the hill and into the shadows of the night. Probably gonna hang out in the van for however long this took. Greg turned back to Steven and pulled him into a tight hug.

Greg swung Steven around, the squish of his son’s body assured him he wasn’t _dead_. Steven squirmed. Oh right. Greg dropped him down on the grass, Serious Talk time then. He sat down and patted the grass next to him. Steven crossed his arms and plopped down. Tension all through his body like a tightly wound guitar.

“You don’t have to tell me,” Greg said, ignoring the wave of panic at the back of his mind, “I know I’m just your little ol’ Dad, but you can tell me anything. I’ll listen.”

Steven blinked back tears, “I’m-I’m fine. Don’t know why everyone is worried.”

“I know this is magical gem stuff, but it sounds like you won’t tell the Gems,” Greg rubbed his head, “But from what I heard, it’s upsetting Connie too. If she’s suggesting a therapist, then maybe she has a good reason?”

Steven curled into his knees, “Okay, I’ll teluabouit.”

“I didn’t hear you.”

“I’ll tell you about it,” Steven looked up at him, whatever anger he had left was gone, “I’ll tell you everything. But...don’t tell the Gems anything. Please, Dad, you _have_ to promise me!”

“Whoa whoa,” Greg held up his hands, “How about we make a deal, huh?”

Steven tilted his head.

“I don’t tell the gems unless you gotta promise me something too,” Greg ran a hand through Steven’s curls as he smiled, “Someday you have to tell them yourself, and if you need the courage, I’ll be right there with you, okay? This family has gone through enough secrets.”

Steven weakly smiled, “You’re right, Dad. I-I promise.”

“Good,” Greg said, “Now tell me what’s up with you lately?”

Steven closed his eyes and sagged against his Dad, “Might as well start at the beginning. I saw Lars die. On my second time to Homeworld. And it’s why he’s pink,” Steven sniffled, “I healed him but I haven’t been able to tell anyone about it. Not even Lars said anything.”

Greg took a breath. Then two. Already he wanted to run back down to hill and put on his good tunes. It’s fine. It’s _fine._ Oh, what was he kidding? His son watched someone _die_. And this was the start! Oh god.

“Uh huh?” Greg said, his voice calm despite his internal screaming.

“You….okay?” Steven asked.

Greg nodded his head robotically and motioned him to keep going. His inevitable panic attack could wait until the end. Steven really needed to get this off his chest. Idly he wondered how much Ms. Maheswaran paid Connie’s therapist. Maybe he should call her and offer to pay six times that amount for both of their kids.

“I dreamed about Pink Diamond, but more like, I saw through her eyes,” Steven continued, “It happened whenever I fell asleep where she used to be. I think-” Steven clutched his shirt, “I just thought about her so much that the memories just came out? And none of them are...happy memories.”

“The Diamonds, her family, hurt her for so _long_. Nobody deserved that. She was like me,” Steven took a breath, “But a worse version of me. Maybe she was a bad person because of her...abuse,” Steven closed his eyes, “Homeworld was familiar. I knew my- _her_ room like the back of my hand.”

“Mhm?” Greg said as Steven hesitated.

“Connie and I fused in front of everyone. The Gems got all poofed and we got thrown into prison and they starved us for a few days. I...I don’t think they remembered to feed us.”

OH GOD.

“Then Blue hit me so hard that I crashed into the wall. She forced me to cry,” Steven’s voice had gone dead at this point, touching his face absently, “And it felt familiar. So achingly _familiar_ that I didn’t know whether I was in the past or the present. Pink or Steven. And I don’t think she knew either.”

**OH GOD!**

Alarms ringed in his head as he processed the information. So his son might have trauma that transcends lifetimes. Cool cool, _not cool._ Out of the all potentially thousands of years of memories hidden in that gem of his, he had to get the not-happy ones. Ah, geez. He supposes it’s a small mercy that Steven doesn’t remember anything from Rose’s side of things.

“I remembered the Corruption,” Steven said, a few tears finally slipping out, “A bright light...my hands to the sky, and I knew what was coming. I think Mom knew too. And I had her hands, I _was_ her, reliving a really painful memory.”

Never mind, then. Fudge.

“Is she…” Greg started, then thought better of it, “Never mind.”

“She’s gone.”

Greg let out a breath then rubbed his Stu-ball’s head, “I thought so. The Gems knew that was a possibility but they didn’t want to believe it. But I’m glad you’re still here, Steven.”

Steven let Greg wrap an arm around him and squeeze him closer into his side. The waves of panic and screaming in a circle at the back of his mind still played out, but he needed to be strong for Steven. Even if Greg knew this was _way_ above his pay grade. Like into the stratosphere levels above his pay grade. Although he was starting to understand why Steven didn’t want to tell the Gems, his poor boy went through a lot.

Way too much.

“And then after that _—_ ”

“There’s more?!” Greg couldn’t help the outburst.

Steven flinched.

“Sorry, sorry,” Greg shushed him and rubbed his back in apology, “It’s just hard for me to hear this. I can’t _imagine_ how much harder it was to live through it.”

Greg watched Steven falter at that. All his words evaporated in the air between them. Steven seemed not to know what to say to that. Concern roiled in his mind, did no one tell him that? Greg wanted to hug him again or shake him. No, he clung onto his self-control with slipping fingernails.

“White Diamond…” Steven whispered, his eyes growing distant as the night grew colder and darker, “She turned the other Diamonds and the Crystal Gems into her puppets, she spoke through them, and she said a lot of stuff about Mom.”

Greg swallowed, waiting for the moment where Steven say something and it would snap her out of her insanity. Instead, the hairs on his arm prickled as the chill deepened. Steven didn’t look like human anymore, almost grey in the moonlight. His chest still as death.

“White pulled out my gem,” Steven’s voice shaky and so frighteningly young, “Sh-she thought Pink would reform...but she _didn’t_. It was me. _Me_.”

He broke. Chest heaving with gasping breaths. Steven covered up his sob with a hand.

“But I...I wasn’t there anymore. My human and gem half were there, me but _not_ me,” Steven’s words poured out, “I think I **_shattered_**. I saw through both of them and nothing at all. Being a formless concept is really _really_ scary,” Steven wiped away his tears, “Sorry Dad, I’m sorry, I’m _sorry_. Nonexistence wasn’t on my travel plan, I swear.”

Greg didn’t say anything.

“Dad?”

Greg fell back onto the grass with a thump. He stared up at the moon, Steven staring down at him with concerned eyes. His son. That son. No other son. Died. Kinda? Shattered or unfused, he didn’t know for sure. Steven shifted uncomfortably under his stare. He had Rose’s eyes and her laugh. And he could see her in the tilt of his frown.

Greg grounded his hands into his face and _screamed_. It echoed into the night and the stars. Screamed out all his frustration, anger, fear, and every urge to wrap his son in bubble wrap for the next twenty years or so. GOD!

He clutched his rabbit paced heart, if he had a heart attack right here and right now, so be it. Steven talked with the same people he hurt him on the regular. Nothing new considering Peridot and Lapis. But they weren’t thousand-year dictators that could _gut_ his son at any time. Would they even understand the repercussions?

Greg let out another scream well up from him as he rubbed his hands down his face. Then he remembered Connie’s mention of a therapist. Then it hit him, she _saw_ this happen. No wonder she had problems, or why Steven had nightmares for the past few months. His son _died!_

Those days waiting and waiting for Steven to return from Homeworld. Not entirely sure his son would come back. All of his fears were true. A damn miracle brought Steven back to him. Greg didn’t know what he’d do if Connie came back with a corpse. Or if she even managed to come back at all.

Greg sat back up.

“Dad? Are you okay?” Steven said, so full of regret and guilt in his soft features.

“Am I okay? Am I _okay?_ ” Greg put his hands on his son’s shoulders, “What about you?! Are _you_ okay?”

“Yeah?” Steven said, “Besides, they know I’m Steven now and we’re making a lot of changes now to really make the empire great! Imperfections and all.”

“Steven,” Greg said stern, “You need to tell the Gems about this. And is there anything else you need to tell me?”

Steven paused. Then shook his head slowly. Greg let out a sigh of relief. Steven couldn’t meet his eyes as Greg geared himself up for what he needed to say next.

“You aren’t gonna tell them yet, are you?”

“I _can’t_. Dad, I worked this hard so far and the Gems won’t understand.”

“Steven, it scares me you’re protecting _them_ like this,” Greg wiped away Steven’s tears with a finger, “I won’t tell the Gems _—_ ” _—_ Steven brightened, “ _—_ but you have to go to therapy. I’ll call Dr. Maheswaran for their number and I’ll even drive you there, okay?”

“But I don’t need it.”

“ **Steven** ,” Greg put his metaphorical foot down, “You’re going because I’m worried about you and I know this is important for us humans. Think of it like brushing your teeth or eating your greens, but for your mind, okay?”

“....Will it really help?” Steven said quietly, “I’m-I’m scared.”

Greg pulled him into a hug, soft and full of comfort. Steven held him back, burying his face into his T-shirt. He hugged his son like it was the first time, or the last time, and he only held tighter at the thought. Something in his bones relaxed at the way Steven fit into his arms. Like two pieces of a set. Greg kissed his forehead as Steven dribbled snot and tears.

“I am _so_ proud of you,” Greg said, and he meant every word.

Distantly in the recesses of his mind, he had a new album cover idea. 

* * *

 Jasper watched the Rose boy from afar. He hung around his house more often, which made it hard for her hide among the other Jaspers in Beta or Kindergarten to keep an eye on him. Her? Jasper didn’t entirely understand everything Amethyst told her. Probably another pack of lies fed to delude them all. Of course Rose would say anything to escape punishment for her war crimes.

Rose laughed with his friend, Connie as they played in the sand. Jasper sat next to a rock, her eyes trained on them. Laughter, so unlike Lapis’ cackles as she _—_

Jasper shook her head.

Today wasn’t about Lapis (for once). Instead it came back to the woman always on her mind, for thousands of years, Pink Diamond. The thought of her in that boy, made her heart _ache_. Not for the first time, Jasper wished she had been shattered in battle so long ago. The thought of her, perfect _her_ , twisted into something utterly unrecognizable made her want to punch something until it burst into dust.

Jasper touched her horns.

Imperfect and ugly in front of the Diamonds, and they didn’t notice her beyond a cursory glance. The news of shattering outlawed and fusions legal still shook her to her core. White Diamond, the most flawless gem in history, admitted a _mistake_.

Jasper growled.

“Oh hey, Jasper!”

Jasper snarled, then froze as she realized who stood over her. So short and puny despite the sway he had over the Diamonds. Doubt flooded her thoughts again, how could Rose be Pink Diamond? She didn’t understand. Her Diamond said it was she, but Jasper couldn’t help the spark of rebellion in her flare up.

Jasper crossed her arms instead of her usual salute, “What?”

“We haven’t seen you in a while, uh so how you are doing?” Rose said, he snapped his fingers down at her.

“I don’t understand.”

“Oh! It’s an expression that people say _—_ ”

“No, I don’t mean that,” Jasper stood up, and smirked at how the twerp stumbled back at her height, “You’re a born liar, Rose Quartz, I don’t understand what long game you’re playing by fooling the Diamonds but it won’t work on me.”

Rose _—_ of all things _—_ laughed and clutched his stomach, “Jasper, you have _no_ idea I missed you saying that. Simpler times, simpler times.”

“Steven?”

Connie ran up to meet them. Jasper let a smile curl up as she noticed the little warrior didn’t have a sword with her. Humans, must be so inconvenient for them to carry their weapons out at all times. Besides if this worked out, she didn’t have to pummel anyone more than she had to. _Maybe_ a little more than she had to. Heh.

“I’m not Rose-well actually hm,” Rose held his chin in thought, “You aren’t going to believe anything I say, are you?”

Jasper crossed her arms, “Nope.”

Connie stood closer to Rose, “Steven, she isn’t worth it. We can go back to the temple. She can wallow in her willful ignorance all she likes, it won’t change the facts that you’re _Steven_.”

“But what if I _showed_ her?” Rose whispered not very quietly, “I think Jasper deserves to know. Plus she hasn’t killed me yet.”

“Yet,” Jasper smirked.

“Not helping!” Rose hissed, then turned back to Connie, “Please? This is my chance to help her get closure! My mom hurt so many people and if I can’t leave Earth to help them out there, then I can help the ones right here.”

“...Alright, alright,” Connie took a breath and held his hand, “But I have to be there and I’m setting a timer! A minute is enough I think.”

“Two minutes?”

“Ninety seconds and I’m not going any higher.”

Rose pouted, “Fair enough. But where can I…?” they both hummed in thought, “Oh! How about the temple? We can go in my room.”

Jasper watched every twitch in Connie’s face. Hesitation and worry. She didn’t know whatever Rose planned but it had to be something risky if his knight didn’t seem keen on it. Connie squared her shoulders, Jasper stuffed her budding respect for her into a dark box. She only won because of a cheap tactic.

“Alright!” Connie said, “Come on, Jasper! We have something to show you, promise it’s nothing bad.”

“If it was, I won’t hesitate to beat you into the ground,” Jasper said, but let Rose pull her along the beach by her hand, “Got it, pipsqueaks?”

Rose pulled her into his house. Huh, never saw the inside of this place. A lot less malevolent than she pictured. No pink shards mounted anywhere. Good. Then a shade of pink caught her eye and Jasper turned around.

Rose Quartz.

A beautiful and serene portrait. For a split second, she had thought...how idiotic. Jasper clenched her fists as she stared up at the face of her nightmares. So unlike the permanent snarl or even maniac grin in her distorted memories. Jasper’s fists shook as she remembered a pink palanquin and the haunted howls of her fellow soldiers. **_Rose_** …

Jasper jumped off the wooden floor and pulled the portrait down off its hook. She held the gilded frame in her hands. Rose’s face so close and yet so far. The cracks and crunches of the frame filled her with joy. Broken glass clattered to the ground, and Jasper ignored the tiny hands hitting her. She imagined the pitiful wails asking her to stop in Rose’s voice.

Jasper held the limp painting in her hands. Rose Quartz, her tormentor and enemy. At her mercy. Jasper’s cackles shook her body as she tore the painting into shreds. Pink and white scraps fell to the floor. The way her perfect little smile came apart at the seams would remain branded in her memories forever. Maybe it would even overwrite everything else she’s done.

“Oh no, Garnet, Pearl, and Amethyst are going to _kill_ us,” Rose clutched his head as he stared down at the ruined pile, “Jasper, why did you do that!!”

Jasper held up a finger, “I’m not done, move out of the way.”

They threw themselves out of her way barely in time as she pitched herself into a roll of flames. She sped up the walls to angle her path just _right._ And laughed as she landed into the pink pile, setting it on fire, and punched through the floor.

Jasper crawled out of the hole wiping away tears as she cackled, “Now I’m done!”

Connie fell to her knees, “You broke the picture, tore it up, _and set it on fire?_ ” She turned to face Rose, “I’m having second thoughts about this.”

Rose gulped, “You aren’t the only one.”

“I’ll go get my sword.”

A few minutes later they stood in front of the doors at the back of the house. Jasper rolled her eyes at Connie’s sword, but at least it better fit her size. Whatever happened to that blasted old sword probably deserved it. Jasper idly hoped it laid in pieces somewhere. It didn’t deserve to be mounted anywhere and instead its rest better fit at the bottom of a volcano.

Maybe it did.

Oh, one could only hope.

“Room! Let us in!” Rose pulled up his shirt, “Pretty please?”

His gem lit up with a pink glow, and the room opened. Jasper raised her eyebrows at the expanse of pink clouds as far as the eyes could see. Of course. Jasper warily looked around and considered her options, walk in and get answers or stay outside and sulk? Rose and Connie pushed past her to walk in.

Answers it is.

Jasper walked in and the door closed with a quiet whoosh. Then disappeared. Hm, unnerving but not a total corner. Jasper could always use her favorite lockpicking method. Grievous bodily harm. Worked every time like a charm.

“Okay so,” Rose said, “Room! Can you show me Pink’s palanquin? Not the whole place but just enough please?”

Jasper froze as the landscape changed. Her protests died in her throat as she stood at the bottom of that cursed hill. An orange sunset set long shadows over her diamond’s grave. Jasper fell to her knees on the golden and rusty colored grass. Soft as she remembered. The whole world set in various shades of oranges and yellows in the setting sun, so much like the colors of her old home, Beta.

Pink’s palanquin didn’t look the same.

When it once shone like new, it now sat in rust and disrepair. Flowers and moss made its home and twined around its old walls. The soft sheer of cloth that once hung above the entrance now long gone. Jasper could barely take any more of it in as her eyesight turned blurry. Deep somewhere in her, ten regenerations ago, ached with _longing_.

“Looks like the past five thousand years haven’t been kind to the both of us, huh?” Jasper said to the grave, her voice weak in her throat.

The air whistled in the emptiness. Of all the places she’s seen on this ball of rock, this was one she didn’t want to see again. Yet, like the sea to the shore, she came back. Jasper dug her fingers into the soil and let her gaze drop from the palanquin. She couldn’t take the sight of the thing anymore.

How could she?

She couldn’t even remember her own Diamond’s face. Faded memories beyond her smile and her warm hug. Jasper survived the first day of her emergence, straight into a battlefield, and at the end of it, she was sent to her Diamond personally.

_“My Diamond?” Jasper saluted before the palanquin entrance._

_“Come in, Jasper,” Pink Diamond’s voice wasn’t the soft notes she pictured, “Close the curtains behind you, please.”_

_Jasper blinked but did as she commanded. Her coding rewarded her with a good feeling in her chest. Then turned around to see her maker. And she sat on her pink throne, her hair looked like the flowers just outside. Soft and bouncy as she looked down at her. Pink eyes with an unreadable emotion she didn’t know._

_Which made sense, she was only made yesterday._

_“You emerged in the middle of a battle with the Crystal Gems?” Pink Diamond said, “And how did you survive?”_

_“I shattered the traitors, my Diamond,” Jasper only faltered for a moment before continuing, “But it was a slaughter, we lost many sisters. I believe they intended us to stop from ever emerging, and many escaped in the aftermath. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to avenge them all.”_

_Pink Diamond stood up. Jasper held up her salute even as she trembled. Shattered for her failure, of course. Whatever knowledge she had about wars told her as much. She ignored the dust and grit on her fingers and hoped the gross feeling would go away. And if she got shattered, then silver lining, she wouldn’t feel it anymore._

_A hand landed on her head. Jasper blinked away her shock as she slowly looked up into her Diamond’s face. Pink cradled her face with large hands as her eyes shone with unshed tears, creases in her pink skin around her eyes. Sad…but why?_

_For her lost sisters?_

_But—_

_Jasper’s salute fell away as Pink pulled her into a hug. Warm and enveloping, and she smelled like the soil of Beta under her flowery perfume. She didn’t process the strange detail as Pink cradled her closer and nuzzled her face into Jasper’s unruly hair. Still dirty and dusty from her first battle. Something wet dripped down on her head._

_Pink Diamond’s tears made the aches in her form fade away._

_She didn’t deserve such kindness._

_“You’re perfect,” Pink Diamond said, “You’re the most perfect thing I’ve ever made in this place, and you didn’t even come from a kindergarten I made very well.”_

_Jasper didn’t know what to say to comfort her, “I think you made it perfectly if I came out as I did? You should’ve seen them, my Diamond, my sisters were beautiful. Even if they didn’t look like me.”_

_Pink Diamond pulled back with a smile, “I’m sure they were. A very long time ago, I would’ve jumped over the moon if I had gotten a Quartz like you emerged,” Her smile dropped, “But it’s too late now, I’ve made my path. But I hope you survive, my perfect Quartz.”_

_“Of-of course, my Diamond!” Jasper said, her face hot as she grinned with a toothy grin, “I’ll protect you! I won’t fail you again.”_

_Pink Diamond didn’t smile anymore. Jasper promised to herself to never tell a soul about the rather undignified moment between them. It kept her moving through the horrors of the War. That infernal Rose Quartz would never slip past her to hurt the one she loved. The first person who ever hugged and comforted her. Jasper would avenge her sisters in the meantime._

_Less than a hundred years later, Jasper saw her Diamond_ **_die_** _._

_Failure hit her all over again._

“Jasper?”

“What?” Jasper snapped, growling before a hand could land on her shoulder, “What do you want to show me? Just do it already so we can leave this awful place.”

Rose came around to stand in front of her. Connie stood right by, her sword ready in her hands. Jasper narrowed her eyes at the two of them. She didn’t know what they wanted to show her. How curious.

Rose pulled up his shirt, his gem gleamed in the dying rays of the sun. Not quite pink anymore, but almost honey in the lowlight. He raised up his arms, leaving his torso and body vulnerable. Jasper blinked down at him, still taller than Rose even kneeling.

“Pull my gem out, this is your free pass,” Rose said, a nervous lilt to his voice, “I can’t pull out myself and do it before I changemymi _—_ ”

Her fingers darted forward and **_twisted_ **it out of him. Jasper shoved the useless pack of meat around it toward Connie. They stumbled to a stop at the bottom of the hill. She ignored their pitiful grunt of pain. Rose Quartz...in the palm of her hand.

_Finally._

No.

That isn’t a _—_

“Wh-what?” Jasper said, staring down at the Diamond. But that can’t be! Her whole world tunneled down to the gem in her hand. Pink Diamond, _her_ original Diamond, right here. Something in her cracked. Sobbed, screamed, numbed, or all of the three.

Right here, right where she left it.

She yelped as a pink glow hummed into life from the gem. Jasper sat back as it rose away from her grasp. Distantly she noted her ragged gasps and tight chest. Her clammy hands clenching the soft grass beneath her. Pink Diamond _—_

Her thoughts screeched to a halt as she reformed.

Pink Diamond, for one _beautiful_ moment, hovered ethereal and brilliant. Jasper’s hands moved before she could think and saluted her. They spasmed in their hold in a forlorn instinct to hide her horns. _Her_ Perfect Quartz, marred beyond all saving. Flaws clear as the sickly green rings on her form. Being shattered was what she deserved.

Then, the impossible happened.

Pink Diamond shrunk and contorted, her light twisting into a silhouette she knew all too well. Like straight out of her worst nightmares. Pink’s skirt lengthened into that infernal dress. Rose Quartz’ curls blossomed and fell in waves, and Jasper snarled. How dare she reform in _this_ place _—_

“Rose…..” Jasper growled in the back of her throat, “You!”

Rose Quartz does not answer.

Then it hits her all at once.

The true gravity of what she’s seeing. And it’s like the world has gone mad, she’s finally lost it. Bested by fusion several times, tortured by a Lapis Lazuli, and her last safe harbor. Nothing more than a pretty frilly lie. Is this what Rubies talked about? There were rumors that if you were in a war too long, you started to see things not real?

Pink Diamond shattered herself.

Rose Quartz hugged her on a dusty day many centuries ago.

“I can’t-” Jasper clutched her head, but her eyes remained transfixed on the reforming gem, “I don’t understand!”

Rose Quartz shrunk again, smaller and smaller. Her hair disappeared into a familiar poof of curls like her Diamond once had. Jasper blinked down at the boy. It had the same eyes as Rose Quartz did. Black and soulless. Jasper understood for the first time in nearly two years, the true nature of what “Steven” was.

Jasper’s mouth twisted into a grin, “I never knew how far your depravity went, Rose- _Pink_ , but this is a new low. Killing yourself is your favorite solution to problems, I see.”

“You have ninety seconds!” Connie shouted, setting a phone down on the ground with numbers winding down, “Whatever you want to say, ask now.”

“Do you remember anything?” Jasper said, “At all? What you’ve done to me? We could’ve helped you if we’ve known you were our Diamond!!”

Jasper slammed a hand onto a cold bubble. Tch, of course. Puzzle pieces finally clicked in place in her mind, no wonder the villainous Rose Quartz could heal her soldiers. Everything she fought for, had no meaning.

“ **No.** ”

“Did she-” Jasper slammed her hand again- “-even care about us?!”

“... **No.** ”

Jasper bitterly laughed, “Always a _fucking_ little liar, you pebble.”

“Fifty-five seconds left!”

“Jasper!” a weak voice called out, “I know what you’re feeling! It’s okay, she’s gone now and can’t hurt you anymore.”

Jasper turned to face the source. The boy _—_ no _Steven—_ sat on the grass leaning against Connie for support. She held her sword in front of them, her eyes narrowed and feet ready to move. Disgust curdled her insides at the ugly tears and snot dripping from Steven’s face. Humans, so full of juices.

Although she’s never seen one so pale and weak before.

Steven smiled through his tears, “You don’t have to live in her shadow anymore. I think-” A cough rattled through him, “-Steven will like a new friend, he’s always looking for more.”

Jasper stood up on her feet, wiping away the dirt on her knees. Pathetic. Then she smirked, yes it’s pathetic. Her eyes narrowed into slits as she sneered down at the gem still watching her carefully. Still a strategist.

“I see what you’re _really_ are,” Jasper’s voice dripped with venom and victory as she jabbed a finger at Gem Steven, “Pathetic and defective. A tiny, ugly, and manipulative creature. Well, guess what?” She crossed her arms, “You’re not my Diamond anymore. Or even Rose Quartz. You’re nothing more than the last thoughts of a sick experiment.”

Jasper shot Human Steven a smile, “Thank you for showing me this _thing_. I was **_weak_ ** all along to be serving a false goddess. Now I see the truth.”

Steven blinked, then twice, “No prob, Bob?”

“It’s Jasper.”

“No it’s a-never mind,” Steven raised an eyebrow, “So if I get this right, you aren’t going to kill us anymore? Right?”

Jasper flicked her hair over her shoulder, “Tch, I don’t need to. You’ll just kill yourself just like your previous pathetic forms. And here I thought you were intelligent.”

“Twenty seconds left…”

“But know this,” Jasper loomed over the pink gem, “I’m _better_ than you. I will always be better than you. At least I came out right and perfect. You’re **nothing** more than the grime on my boots.”

Insistent beeping went off.

“And that’s it!” Connie shuffled Steven toward them, “No, no, Dog we _agreed_ that’s it. You’re _dying_ , we have to put you back together.”

Steven protested, “But what if-”

The bubble came down and Gem Steven turned to face his other half. Ready to do whatever sick ritual that brought them back together. Whatever, she didn’t care. Steven, the newest iteration of the pink gemstone (it didn’t even deserve the title Diamond), wasn’t at the top of her Shitlist.

Close though...but he didn’t need to know that. She was no idiot to know that _he_ was one of the reasons she lived in a toxic fusion for more than a year. Jasper scoffed, protecting a defective little gem, Lapis really should’ve known sooner she was Crystal Gem material all along. Despicable.

Gem Steven took a step toward his other.

“This will take forever!” Jasper snarled, and picked him by the scruff of his shirt. Connie and Steven shouted, and she could read the hesitation in the girl’s eyes. Run and fight, or stay and protect? Tch, maybe Jasper could teach her a thing or two. Clearly, that renegade Pearl didn’t teach her much. Jasper gripped Gem Steven over her head.

Squinting at the humans, she calculated.

Then _threw._

Jasper cackled as the Gem Steven bowled over the two humans hard enough to dissipate the whole hill. Pink clouds exploded and burst until the whole scenery disappeared. Golden grass replaced by pink floors. Then a pink light shone in the distance, quiet giggles and pained winces under her cackles.

Steven sat up with a groan, two had become one.

Connie pulled him into a hug, “Oh thank goodness, you’re okay! Are you hurt?”

“No, I’m good,” Steven rubbed his head, “Sorry I knocked you over. Are you okay?”

“Just a bit dizzy but I’m fine,” Connie said, a little green.

Then the two of them froze as a large shadow loomed over their cutesy little moment. Get outta here with that emotional bullshit! What are they, Pearls?! But she supposed they coped however they could with their obvious lack of strength. Jasper showed all of her teeth as she put her hands on her hips.

They gulped.

“I’m ready to leave now, but if I’m not out here in two seconds,” Jasper smiled bigger, “Someone will be **_grounded into a pulp_**. And it’s not me…”

“Yes, Jasper!” They said in unison. 

* * *

Steven clenched and unclenched his fists, and hoped his nervousness didn’t show. The Diamonds wanted to visit since he couldn’t go see them. All three of them managed to clear their schedules for the day. Even White managed to do it. The Crystal Gems didn’t like it, but they couldn’t say as much, there were here for only one reason. And a reason they understood all too well.

“Steven?” Blue said, snapping him out of his thoughts, “Are you alright?”

“Ye-yeah, I’m fine!” Steven grinned, “It’s just that you guys didn’t have to do this…”

“Nonsense!” Yellow said, curling her feet closer to herself, “How could we ignore you, Steven? You’re one of us, half or not, and I think Blue would’ve cried for days.”

Steven didn’t answer that and instead looked around some more. They decided to meet on the Moon Base, better than landing on Earth and risk various peace treaty violations. The Crystal Gems sat on the stairs to meet around the same eye-level as the Diamonds as they sat inside the global room. Blue’s Pearl set it to display a deserted prairie, rolling blue-green grass far as the eye could see. Steven liked it, it seemed idyllic even with three intergalactic dictators sitting in it.

White studied her nails and everyone tensed, “You need to answer your calls more often, stardust. We get awfully worried when you don’t, and it makes us scared you’re gone again.”

“Steven is not at your beck and call,” Garnet said through grit teeth, “He has other things to do on Earth. He isn’t your subject, White Diamond.”

White narrowed her eyes, then turned her head up. They let out a breath. Blue and Yellow looked between them, not exactly very subtle. Steven resisted the urge to roll his eyes. This sucked. At least while he went on space missions, he actually _did_ stuff. Instead of this weird custodial battle over him. That held a lot of promise of violence and war if it ended badly.

The Diamonds started to strike up a conversation among themselves. Small talk, of all things. Even the Crystal Gems started to join in. Pearl’s tone far too tight despite her polite tones. Something about the various states of colonies and kindergartens. Amethyst snapped a few finger guns at Yellow awkwardly a few times.

Someone just end him.

Please.

Then he froze at the noise of someone leaving. Steven turned around to see Garnet going up the stairs and into the top. Steven glanced between the former enemies, hmmm they didn’t look like they would kill each other any time soon. He bounded up the stairs happily, his floating powers in near-zero gravity letting him go up far more quickly. Time to go talk to Garnet and _not_ suffer through more stories about imperialist conquests.

Garnet studied the Earth through the glass as she sat on the cold steel steps. Steven couldn’t tell her golden visor but she had an air of contemplation. Something had to be up. He floated down to stand next to her and looked up.

Earth, a wonderful blue marble against the black.

His favorite planet by far.

“Steven,” Garnet said, “I foresee many terrible things but none of them make sense. And it scares me. But all end in us losing you.”

Steven swallowed, “I know you don’t trust the Diamonds, but trust me when I say they won’t hurt me. In fact, I uh-”

_White’s smile filled his vision. Her black nails digging into his skin, not enough to shred him, and the soft ting of them grasping his gem. He was going to die, die, die. And pain sparked bright and sharp as she tugged._

_Tug, tug, until Steven scrunched his face up from the scorching pain. Wrong filled him up from his toes up to his head. Like twisting a joint too far. That exact moment of freedom remained forever in his memory. His gem free from his body._

_Existence became tumbling, confusing, and then-_

_Nothing._

_If static had a physical presence, that was him. Lost among the interference. Sensations and scrambled emotions he struggled to hold together. His thoughts didn’t have words, he lost all language, a tool for the living anyhow. Hot and cold. Stars sung to him, voices filled his ears from multiple minds in the entire universe, and he remembered the color of it. From the_ **_outside_** _, it looked a plain beige._

_Pain._

_PAIN! HURT HURT HURT HURT HURT HURT! WANT TO-NEED TO-_

**_MAKE ME WHOLE!_ **

“I uh-” Steven blinked back the memories, “I made sure they wouldn’t. I told them if they keep hurting me, they’ll lose me. Just like they lost Pink Diamond. So they have to make a world where I want to live in, or…” Steven clutched his shirt, “I’ll be gone.”

Garnet hummed, “That makes sense. My future vision isn’t perfect but I trust you to make the right choices. You are the master of your ship on the seas of fate, Steven.”

Steven sat down next to her and let his eyes close. At least he can afford a few minutes of peace. He let the distant chatter beneath him lull him into something on the edges of sleep. He resisted the urge. Sleeping here seemed like a good chance of getting more traumatic memories. And he _really_ didn’t want to explain it all to his therapist.

(Connie was right, she _was_ nice.)

**_Who? Who is nice?_ **

Steven’s eyes shot open as he yelped. Wha-what? He looked around but Garnet just looked at him quizzically. That voice...it sounded like White’s? In his head. Oh boy, he hoped not. Steven rubbed a hand down his face. Well, as Amethyst would say, fuck it.

_My therapist, her name is uhhhhhhhhh-actually it doesn’t matter what her name is. But what are you doing in my mind, White?_

**_Me? You’re in my head, stardust. Hmmm, this is a new power, I have to say I’m impressed. Always so full of surprises._ **

**“** It’s just us here, Steven,” Garnet said, rubbing her hand over his curls, “If there’s anything you want to tell me, it’s okay.”

Steven worried his lip, “Actually, Garnet. I wanted to tell you something.”

**_I hope you aren’t going to tattletale of my little mistake. It’s in the past now, and I still feel so guilty._ **

_Little? You tore out my gem! I was going to die without it._

**_You’re alive, aren’t you?_ **

“What is it, Steven?” Garnet said, “If you’re afraid of something, it’s okay, I’m scared too. You don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready yet.”

Steven gave her a weak smile, “Yeah...yeah. I know the war is over and all, but I can’t help but feel scared that something would go wrong. Like when I got you guys poofed, that was on me!”

“Oh, Steven,” Garnet shook her head, “We knew the risks and it was the Diamonds who poofed us, not you. I’m sure they would’ve found a different reason to do it. Don’t blame yourself.”

Steven didn’t answer and instead looked up at the Earth beyond the glass. Easier said than done. He let the conversation lapse back into silence. Garnet also seemed lost in her thoughts. Steven knew he should be paying more attention to Garnet and _talk_ but...not with _her_ here. He closed his eyes and focused on the string between him and White.

Two strings, pink and white, twined together in his mind’s eye. If White could eavesdrop on his conversations, then what if he could do the same? Steven let a part of his mind drift along the string. What was it that White said? Spreading herself thin…

**_How curious we both have mind powers. And you learn quite fast. Perhaps it’s a result of your organic physiology. Or your heightened empathy powers. Or even both._ **

_I’m not in the mood to hear your theories right now, White Diamond. So whatcha doing? Hope you’re not making Pearl or Amethyst mad._

“You were Pink’s Pearl, weren’t you?” Yellow’s voice echoed, “Pink Diamond faked her shattering but we still don’t know _how_.”

Blue sniffled, “Please, for our peace of mind. We’d like to get closure.”

“I suppose you would like to know,” Pearl said, “I shapeshifted into Rose Quartz and poofed her with the sword. She had swallowed some shards beforehand to make it…more realistic.”

Yellow hissed, “So it was _you_ that was Rose Quartz all along, wasn’t it?”

_What! No!! White, you saw it was me!_

**_‘Preposterous! How can a Pearl lead a whole rebellion by herself?’ I’m sure Yellow and Blue will accept that answer._ **

_NO! If Pearl wanted to, she could! Try to sound less bigoted, okay? Like uhhh, say that it was Pink and she made her choices I think. What Pink Diamond did was lead a whole war and make me. She was Rose Quartz, too._

“Now now, Yellow don’t be deluded,” White said, her voice echoing in his head and far below, “Be proud that Pink paid more attention to your teachings than you thought. She was a rather formidable enemy who made…” _Be nice!_ “Unlikely allies that helped her cause.”

Silence echoed.

**_Did I say something wrong?_ **

_Nooo. Hm, I don’t think so? It’s a step forward! It’s still a bit mean but you have to walk before you run. You could even say something nice to Yellow and Pearl!_

**“** White, are you okay?” Blue said, barely hiding her shock, “You’re…”

“Nice!” Yellow finished, “Well, more than usual.”

“What, Monochrome Heart, Steven work his maaaagic on you already?” Amethyst cackled as she wiggled her fingers, “Haha! Wooo, proud of that little Stu-man.”

“Good, there’s a lot to be proud of! Did you know that just the other day she-”

Steven froze as images whirled past in his mind’s eye. Countless lines of reports detailing the same incident. A marooned ship somewhere on the outskirts of the Gulaxua cluster with multiple missing reports. And a picture of Copter slapped on top of it all. All of the information poured through the connection in less than a second.

_WAIT!!! YOU CAN’T TELL THEM THAT!_

“He what?” Pearl asked.

White Diamond didn’t falter, “She’s contributed so much to the Empire already in so little time like making fusion legal and shattering outlawed. Steven may have made some enemies, but she’s quite the leader already!” She laughed, “Doing much better than Pink at her age, anyhow.”

“He, it’s he-” Amethyst started to say.

“I’m proud of her,” Blue said, a soft smile in her voice, “Pink always left us the best gifts, and Steven is my favorite by far. I think Era 3 will be just fine. Speaking of which, when will she be no longer ‘grounded’?” Blue’s voice awkward around the word, “I’d like some Bismuths to examine her for some new designs of our insignia or even her own mural!”

**_My ideas are quite lovely if I say so myself. I still don’t understand why you let them ground you when you hold more unfathomable power than they can ever wield._ **

_We’ve been over this. It’s because I’m like 14!_

**_Hmm._ **

“Steven, wake up,” Garnet’s voice startled him and he choked on a yelp, “You dozed off. Let’s go downstairs, sleepyhead.”

They walked down the steps, hand in hand. Steven didn’t manage to talk to Garnet like he hoped. It didn’t help that he had White hovering his shoulder. Why did his powers always have to activate at literally the worst times? Garnet squeezed his hand, her gem a comforting sensation against his palm. For a split second, Sunstone’s laughter ran through his head.

They came to a stop where Pearl and Amethyst sat. The Diamonds didn’t seem so stiff anymore, and even White managed to smile once or twice. The ball of nerves in his chest loosened, whatever scars that had formed over thousands of years had already started to heal. Woo boy, he wondered if he could ask if there were any therapist gems. Maybe none for all he knew (it would explain a lot).

Then his whole world blurred. Sharp nails around his skin. Shouts from his family grew far away as White plucked him up. It’s fine, it’s _fine_ , he’s already survived this once before. His thoughts sharpened as White’s face filled his vision. Instinct rode over logic, and he scrambled away but her cupped palms trapped him.

“Stardust, it’s so nice to see you,” White’s black lips almost iridescent like soap bubbles in the fake moonlight, “What? I can’t express my love for you?”

“Put him down!” Pearl’s voice a tad too close to a scream.

Yellow and Blue fidgeted. Yet Steven didn’t hear any familiar hum of weapons summoned. Good. He _really_ didn’t want to see Garnet, Pearl, or Amethyst get hurt again. Then he remembered Connie’s tears, then he corrected himself, he _himself_ didn’t want to get hurt again. At least so Connie didn’t hate herself for things that weren’t her fault.

“You have to _ask_ when you want to pick me up,” Steven said through the lump in his throat, “Otherwise it’s really scary and mean. I know you like to do it but not everybody will do too.”

White narrowed her eyes as she considered it. Steven eyed the black nails warily. He could get his bubble up in time if they snapped close. Somewhere in the recesses of his gem pinged with eerie familiarity. Hello, old traumatic memories.

“Are you afraid of me?” White said, her perfect eyebrows pinched together, “I do everything you ask, I upheave entire foundations of my Empire, and you crawl away from me? When I’ve done nothing to you.”

**_Nothing everlasting at least._ **

_Lying is wrong._

**_Oh? Then shall I tell them about your efficient conquest of an enemy ship?_ **

White lifted his chin with a nail, he glared up into her eyes. Their thoughts about each other bright as neon signs in each other’s minds. Steven didn’t read any hostile intent, despite her dangerous smile like a shark. And he didn’t bother hiding his fear and anger at her obvious gaslighting and manipulation. He understood people, and he didn’t need White’s power of omniscience to know how they worked.

How she worked.

“It isn’t nice to manipulate me either,” Steven said, “Is that who you want to be? A mean old bully that doesn’t even _try_ to change?”

Gasps rang through the room.

“Do-don’t mind her, White,” Blue said, “Steven doesn’t know what she’s talking about-”

“We may be only a few million miles away from your Earth, but you can’t speak to her as you would with your ‘Crystal Gems’ or pets,” Yellow admonished, “She is your elder!”

“Go, Ste-man!!!” Amethyst whooped, “Talk shit to the Man! Or Woman!!”

“Amethyst!” Pearl snapped.

White Diamond burst into laughter, shocking everyone else into silence. Steven readied his bubble just in cases. The nail under his chin moved to stroke his cheek gently, while he was all too aware she could tear it to shreds with a twitch. Steven winced when the pad of her fingers pinched his cheek like an old grandmother. Steven shoved her away with a glare. White had the sense to look guilty.

“I quite missed your company, Steven,” White Diamond said, “There’s so much to learn from you, it’s hard to unlearn old habits. You’ll be quite the leader.”

**_Leaders keep the best secrets I hear._ **

_I’ll tell them everything on my own terms, okay? I won’t play your games, White. You’ll never be able to control me. I’m not my mom._

**_Go ahead and tell them, but don’t tell me they will ever understand. All of our work, and yours too will go down the drain. All because of a few short-sighted gems that care and love you dearly will never see the big picture._ **

_...._

**_Well?_ **

Steven snapped the string between them. White’s smile grew bigger as Steven stood up on her palms, meeting her cold eyes head-on. Defiance in every taut muscle in his body. She set him down back on the stairs with his family where he belonged. Garnet not too subtly pulled him behind her. Not daring to make the same mistake twice.

“You’re even more reckless than Pink,” Yellow rolled her eyes, “And I don’t know how you get away with it. I’m surprised you aren’t in a bubble by now.”

“I don’t know, Yellow,” Blue smiled, “I rather like it. I’m sure it’ll take some getting used to, but we should support however Steven expresses herself. Like Pink once deserved.”

“Oh shush you two,” White laid a hand on their shoulders, “Pink is gone. There’s no use in comparing Steven with her now. Another word about it and I won’t hesitate to remind you of your place.”

Steven cleared his throat.

“Errr...remind you with some choice words,” White corrected, the faintest hint of a black blush on her cheeks, “That won’t be demeaning or violent. I’ll just be incredibly disappointed in you.”

“Okay, I’ve decided,” Yellow crossed her arms, “This is worse.”

Blue giggled, “I think it’s great that you’re trying, White. All four _—_ no _three_ of us can be close again. Like we used to. Won’t that be fun?”

White let a real smile slip out at that. Steven didn’t know how to feel about White Diamond defending him one moment and also kinda threatening him another moment. They hadn’t even progressed to using his preferred pronouns which sucked. But baby steps!

(But how many baby steps before real steps?)

Steven hugged Garnet’s leg and let his tension slip out of his body. At least the visit was coming to an end soon. Hopefully. He didn’t know how much subtle power plays he could do at this rate. Besides he didn’t really _plan_ to keep Copter a secret. Okay fine, he didn’t know how to tell the Gems he may have defeated an entire ship in less than five minutes but that’s hard! Especially when he was dying at the same time and possibly being eroded from existence at a rapid rate.

Fun talk.

A hand laid on his shoulder and he blinked up at Pearl. Her eyes soft and understanding, and the way her lips fell into a smile reminded him of the beach at home. Warm and beautiful no matter what happened. Steven felt _small_ and fragile under that look. Ashamed, he looked away. Pearl’s hand remained a steady presence that grounded him.

How could he tell her Rose was never coming back?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOOO NEW UPDATE YAY! And again, I love all of your lovely comments and kudos because they fuel me okay. Feed your local angst gremlins if you want more angst XD
> 
> Also, I know this isn't super action-packed but _listen_ , the boy needs a tiny break. *Gasp!* Scandalous I know XD
> 
> But I have a lot planned for future chapters and this sets up some of it up. Continuity yo!! And Steven finally gets a therapist! She probably gets a large headache from his sessions. RIP, but at least Greg is paying her well. Connie's parents are grateful too. A doctor's salary can only pay so much to keep quiet on aliens and intergalactic wars. But mental health is important. 
> 
> Steven hasn't quite got the message yet but he's getting there. Also is anyone else worried that Steven is getting more uhhh casual in taking out his gem? Nah!!!! He's fine! It's not this boy would put his life on the line if it meant helping someone else, right? Or think his life doesn't have much value.
> 
> :^)


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